The Onion: “Man already knows everything he needs to know about Muslims.”

August 30, 2010 | By | 8 Replies More

The Onion has issued a new report from Salina, Kansas:

Local man Scott Gentries told reporters Wednesday that his deliberately limited grasp of Islamic history and culture was still more than sufficient to shape his views of the entire Muslim world. . . “I know all I’m going to let myself know.”

Here’s the rest of the story.



Category: American Culture, Bigotry, Religion

About the Author ()

Erich Vieth is an attorney focusing on consumer law litigation and appellate practice. He is also a working musician and a writer, having founded Dangerous Intersection in 2006. Erich lives in the Shaw Neighborhood of St. Louis, Missouri, where he lives half-time with his two extraordinary daughters.

Comments (8)

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  1. Karl says:

    One really should read what muslim words and traditions are being used by the lawyers who write our legislation.

    Take this one for example.

    Dhimmitude — What does it mean?

    Obama used it in the health care bill. Maybe Nancy Pelosi will finally find out more of just what was in the bill she helped strong arm through Congress.

    Dhimmitude — I had never heard the word until recently. Type it into Google and start reading. Pretty interesting. It's on page 107 of the healthcare bill. I looked this up on Google and yep, it exists. It is a REAL word. Amish and others are excluded, including muslims. I think I could become Amish a whole lot easier than muslim.

    Dhimmitude is the Muslim system of controlling non-muslim populations conquered through jihad. Specifically, it is the TAXING of non-muslims in exchange for tolerating their presence AND as a coercive means of converting conquered remnants to Islam.

    ObamaCare allows the establishment of Dhimmitude and Sharia muslim diktat in the United States . Muslims are specifically exempted from the government mandate to purchase insurance, and also from the penalty tax for being uninsured. Islam considers insurance to be "gambling", "risk-taking", and "usury" and is thus banned. Muslims are specifically granted exemption based on this.

    Looks like the only two viable options for the homeless and needy are to become Amish or Muslim.

    • Erich Vieth says:

      Karl: Go take a deep breath. Or several.

      Then go read more carefully about the thousands of provisions of Obama's plan from a reliable source. I'm no fan of many of these provisions (or the lack thereof), but it appears to me that you are hallucinating as a result of breathing the vapors of fear and xenophobia that you breathe over at FOX.

  2. Karl says:

    My point was that I agree we need to learn more about the Muslim SOP. We do not need to stick our heads in the ground.

    You may not agree that the provisions of the current healthcare program being implimemted include a potential exemption for specific muslim sects. Only time will tell.

    • Erich Vieth says:

      Prescription for Karl. Take a deep breath, PRN.

      This means to stop and take a deep breath whenever you think there are special Muslim provisions in Obama's healthcare.

  3. Niklaus Pfirsig says:

    Karl, I read the proposed reforms from both the house and senate, as well as the final reform bill that passed. Generally, when reading through stuff like that, I look up any words I don't know.

    I do not recall seeing the word Dhimmitude in any of the legal texts from the federal docs sites. So I googled the word and noted a few interesting things.

    According to, The only religious groups that qualify for exemption from the health care mandate are Christian groups such as the Amish and Mennonites.

    The Snopes website goes into the legal lingo that has been intentionally misinterpreted as a scare tactic to spread Islamophobia.'s Urban Legends section lists the actual verbiage that is referred to in the "Patient Protection and Affordable Health Care Act of 2010".

    You attempt to hijack the thread doesn't impress me.

    I've known Muslims for over 30 years. Most of the Muslims I've known have shown very admirable qualities. There are a few exceptions of course but about 97 percent of the ones I've known have these qualities.

    They are non-evangelical. They say Islam is a personal choice and a self discipline, based on and adding to the Judeo-Christian faiths.

    To them, Humanity is more important that possessions or money. Friends are more important than property.

    They have high family values. These values are applied to the extended family, not just the nuclear family. They support, respect and care for their elderly family members if they are able to and don't stick them in retirement homes to be forgotten. They also are very good and caring parents, who are even and fair with discipline when needed and very nurturing of their children without being doting.

    They value peace highly, but will defend themselves and their families when attacked.

    They highly value education. Most of the Muslims I've known over the years were very tolerant of other religions and even of us non-believers.

  4. Brynn Jacobs says:


    This is why nobody takes you seriously. The full-text of the legislation is widely available online. You assert: "Dhimmitude — I had never heard the word until recently. Type it into Google and start reading. Pretty interesting. It’s on page 107 of the healthcare bill."

    Something you should have done first , before posting your comments, but I troubled myself to actually look on page 107 of the healthcare bill. "Dhimmitude" does not appear there. Nor does it appear elsewhere in the text, according to the PDF's search function.

    Something like this is trivially easy to research, and there is no excuse for your lack of responsibility to do so. Perhaps this still has not gotten through to you, but we value evidence here. An email sent to you from your second-cousin's best friend which asserts that Muslims are taking over America using the backdoor of Obama's health-care bill is not evidence.

  5. Single payer is resisted by the private insurance industry because it gives the government the power to set prices for consumers and reimbursement for hospitals. Traditional industry practices of medical facility and pharmaceutical gouging of consumers, forcing them into expensive "health care" plans would be curtailed if not eliminated. Next time you get an invoice from a hospital for something—say, a colonoscopy—compare it to the bill charged to your insurance provider and scratch your head over the difference.

    Why is this acceptable and single payer is not? Never mind all that bullshit about socialism, this has to do with an industry lying and bullying its customers and charging far more than the traffic will bear as opposed to a system that might—might—bring costs into line. Obama backed off from really going for it because he was threatened with loss of political power, and the people once more will pay through the nose. The health care bill is flawed because we can't make a decision in line with our own best interests. Why? Because of the equal amount of bullshit flying around like this Dhimmitude nonsense.

    Liars supporting liars. Truth may eventually set you free but it has to have a way to be heard first.

  6. Karl says:

    I have already stated that we will have to see if any Muslim groups have or will apply for exemption from the penalty portions of the mandated payments, as well as the mandated payments themselves.

    The principle I have referred to is SOP for leaders that promote sharia law either alongside of, or over and above the laws of any nation they reside in.

    The model socialistic land of Sweden is no longer the place it was even five years ago.

    You have every right to ignore what I say because a specific word is not written out for you to try to understand its implications.

    You might try to understand the presence of this SOP and how it is either encouraged or discouraged by the political/religious regulations of a nation.

    Tolerance that gives any political/religious group an exemption from the laws of a land will lead to the growth of that political/religious movement.

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