Get Out of Hell, Free!

September 9, 2008 | By | 9 Replies More

Get Out Of Hell FreeTired of all the fundamentalists consigning kind and reasonable people to hell on their own authority? You can now respond with these handy “Get Out Of Hell Free” cards. If they can designate people as hell-bound, then you are just as empowered to hand these out and save people. They also sell stickers, plasticized cards, and luggage tags.

The motto of the company who sells these (pack of 50 for $5) is “Sin All You Want, We’ll Print More.”


Category: American Culture, Communication, Entertainment, Humor, Religion

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A convoluted mind behind a curly face. A regular traveler, a science buff, and first generation American. Graying of hair, yet still verdant of mind. Lives in South St. Louis City. See his personal website for (too much) more.

Comments (9)

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  1. Niklaus Pfirsig says:

    I LIKE it!!!!

  2. Tim Hogan says:

    OK! Klarmann, I take back the "no fun at all!" comment.

    But, as one of the resident theists on this blog, I'm somewhat offended that others (some say immoral nihilitsts!) may dipense these cards!

  3. Erich Vieth says:

    But will these cards really work? Are they honored in hell. Is there an expiration date? Are their redemption fees? I want to hear some testimonials from satisfied customers.

  4. Niklaus Pfirsig says:

    If it don't , then I'll just have to make sure I hang with Jimi Hendrix, Thayler Kramer and that bunch. It would be sooo Kewl to get Kramer to show me some bass riffs, and jam with Jimi.

    Oh, and I could ask Elvis if the guy in Nashville who changed his name to Elvis Presley Jr really is who he thinks he is.

    Several years ago, a "Fundy" who happened to notice one of the symptoms of a rare neural-related genetic oddity that I possess, decided that I am a mutant and in his narrow world view, that made me a "soul-less abomination with no chance a entering the kingdom of heaven". Idiots like that don't bother with me because they don't think it worthwhile.

  5. Dan Klarmann says:

    There are testimonials from pre-deceased satisfied customers on their web site. But I suspect that these cards would fit into the "you can't take it with you" postulate of the afterlife.

    I.E: If you believe in hell, then this card won't help.

  6. JoeTheJuggler says:

    I think this falls under a sort of historical version of Poe's Law.

    They used to sell indulgences that were effectively the same thing, but not done as satire. I suppose those were actually "get out of purgatory" cards.

    Just an observation: if they're selling the cards, it's not really a way to get out of hell FREE, is it?

  7. Tim Hogan says:

    Dan, ever heard of John Tetzel? HAH!

  8. Dan Klarmann says:

    There are two Poe's Law. The one most commonly cited is from the Murphy's canon:

    Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing.

    But there is another one, named for Edgar Allan's distant cousin, modern fundamentalist Harry Lee Poe:

    "Elements of the Gospel speak to different levels of spiritual concern in different cultures at different times."

    I suspect that fundamentalists needed a Poe's Law of their own.

  9. Dan Klarmann says:

    Johann Tetzel, 15<sup>th</sup> century seller of indulgences, inspiration to and nemesis of Martin Luther. Nope, never heard of him, till you asked.

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