Mexican Supreme Court judge scheduled to be executed. Criminals to be set free!

Assimulated Press

Mexico City, Mexico – The Mexican Supreme Court voted unanimously to allow the entire criminal population of Mexico to be set free in exchange for the execution of one of its judges.

In a statement released to the press on Wednesday, the aptly named judge Jesus Santos declared that his death would be a fair exchange for all of the crimes committed by all of the criminals incarcerated. “My sacrifice will substitute for their sentences. They will all be set free forever.”

The president of Mexico, Felipe Calderón, addressed the country on national television. “This is a great day for certain chosen people of Mexico who have been oppressed for far too long. We have picked one of our own to suffer for you so that you can be free.”

Execution by lethal injection is set for this Friday at 3:00.

Judge’s death called a hoax!

Assimulated Press

Mexico City, Mexico – Just three days after being put to death by lethal injection, the body of Mexican Supreme Court judge Jesus Santos is missing. Judge Santos had been executed as payment for the sentences of all Mexican criminals and since Friday the jails have been emptied. However, early Sunday morning three cemetery caretakers found the door to his mausoleum pushed aside and the coffin empty.

Police have been investigating the theft but several of judge Santos’ close friends claimed that they saw him alive only a few hours after the discovery was made. “It was him, it was definitely him,” said Tomas Rodriguez, a long time companion of the judge. “I wasn’t believing the story until Jesus showed up at my home and showed me the needle marks from the lethal injection.”

A manhunt has ensued but so far Santos has not turned up, dead or alive. If the story is true, the big question would be how Judge Santos managed to survive the execution. “There’s no way he could have pulled this off himself, it had to be an inside job,” said a spokesman for La Policia Mexicana who wished to remain anonymous. “We may never know how he did it or even if he’s really alive. To be honest, I never thought it was right that one man could sacrifice himself for the crimes of many others and now we don’t even have a body to show for it and thousands of criminals are roaming the streets. It just doesn’t seem right to me.”

Criminals everywhere are celebrating. “We knew this day would come! Judge Santos has shown us that there is hope for us,” one man rejoiced. “There is life after execution!”

Written evidence surfaces claiming that Judge Santos is alive. Unsolved case is reopened.

Independent News Journal

New evidence has turned up in the case of the execution and disappearance of Mexican Supreme Court judge Jesus Santos. After years of word of mouth rumors that judge Jesus Santos was not dead, four accounts purported to be written by eyewitnesses to the incident have surfaced. Several additional accounts were also turned in to the Mexican police but a meeting was called to discuss which accounts were admissible and many of the others were destroyed.

Although the details of the four approved accounts differ significantly, they all agree that Jesus Santos is alive, has been back serving on the Mexican Supreme Court and that the Chief Justice had advance knowledge that the execution was a sham. Some accounts suggest that Santos stated before his execution that the charade had been planned far in advance by the Chief Justice himself.

“According to these accounts Santos knew way too much in advance about how the whole thing would go down,” reported one investigator. “If these are true, he was in on the scam from the beginning.”

The Chief Justice could not be reached for comment, although there have been many people who have stepped forward and claimed to be representatives of the Chief Justice giving their often conflicting opinions about what he knew and what this new evidence means.

[Admin: This is yet another in a series of fictional stories published in the name of the Assimilated Press, in order to make point that might not be obvious to those who don’t read carefully. Other Assimulated Press stores include these:

• Principal drowns hundreds of grade school students in school basement
• Father of two charged in child poisoning case.
• Bush Administration destroyed cancer research center and scattered the researchers ]