What to do with bullies

A chuckling acquaintance recently talked up a television show called "Bully Beatup. The idea of the show is that victims of bullies report the bullies to the producers of "Bully Beatdown." The show's host, Jason "Mayhem" Miller, offers the over-confident bully $10,000 to get into a cage with a highly-skilled mixed martial artist. In sum, then, the idea is to see a highly-skilled fighter beat the shit out of a neighborhood bully. There are some rules:

Each fight features two three-minute rounds: the first consists of grappling (no striking allowed), and the second round involves kickboxing. The bullies begin each round with $5,000 in potential earnings; each time the bully taps out in the first round, $1,000 of his potential earnings go to the victim, and if the fight is stopped in the second round by KO, TKO, or referee, the bully loses the entire sum. In the unlikely scenario that the bully can KO the MMA fighter, he wins money in addition to his first round earnings and the $5,000 from the second round.
If you're in a mood for schadenfreude check it out. This episode lays out the method of the payback, and presents the case of "Vince" the nightmare roommate. A highly confident 6 foot 7 Vince ends of facing an imposing fighter named Michael Westbrook, formerly an NFL wide receiver with tae kwon do and other martial arts training. I suppose that we need shows like this to serve as a counter-weight to less visceral approaches to conflict, such as love thy neighbor. This show is painful to watch, even when the bully gets what he has coming, but immensely memorable.

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The GOP Should Rename Itself As The Where’s Mine Party

One of Maryland's new congressmen, Andy Harris, defeated his Democratic opponent by railing against universal "socialized" medicine. His opponent, Frank Kratovil, voted against the Obama health care bill, but that didn't help him in the recent GOP sweep of incumbents. Even though Kratovil voted twice against the reforms, Harris pounded him because he wouldn't commit to the new bill's repeal. Harris is an anesthesiologist who worked at Johns Hopkins Medical Center before becoming a state senator and now a congressman. His position is consistent with GOP goals to repeal the new health care law. However, at a closed-door session to go over benefits, Harris made a fuss over the fact that his government-provided health care policy would not kick in until almost 30 days after his inauguration. He stood up at the session and complained. "This is the only employer I've ever worked for where you don't get coverage the first day you're employed." Pause for that to sink in. A beat...another beat... The question must be asked---what planet does he live on? [More . . . ]

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Worms, Roxanne! Worms!

New Oxford American Dictionary blog editor Lauren Appelwick is reporting “refudiate” as the 2010 Word of the Year, joining past recipients “unfriend”, “truthiness” and so many other wonders of the internet age. Lexicographer Susie Dent makes her subjective choice each year (many collected here). As she is employed by the Oxford University Press, additional credibility is lent to her selections I can only assume by virtue of “Oxford” and “University” being used in the same sentence. Thus, an internet search for “word of the year” often tags the “Oxford” or “Oxford Dictionary” or some similar modifier to the “WOTY”. I have fun fracturing the mother tongue all the time. But I don’t expect any of my misconstruations to make their way into the lexicon of American English. Particulalry when they are disavowed as mistypes then claimed intentional. I don’t know about you, but for me, “Oxford” unfairly or not conjures up images of staid and primped stuffed shirts. Make no mistake. They never got over our insurrection and are mocking us again. And that is ginormously discombobulating.

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Why Take a Road Trip?

I claim to be a traveler. But I don't travel for business. I work from home, so there is not even a daily commute. I have been on only two commercial jets trips in the last decade. So how can I claim to be a traveler? My wife and I take road trips. During our most recent one, we distinctly experienced the disconnect between "travel" and "vacation." Recall National Lampoon's Vacation, but a longer trip, no kids, and most of our destination sites were (barely) still open. Had we left a few days later, and we would have missed much more. This latest trip (click on the map for more details) was an effort: We drove 6,000 miles in 22 days, across thirteen states, in a sedan that I'd bought new for $12k in 1998. It now has over 185,000 miles on it, but still averaged better than 36 mpg for the journey. We took some stretches of older roads to better see America. My narcissistic self photo-blogged as we went. At least on days when there was enough time left for writing and digital darkroom work. About half of the trip got posted only after we got back. But my subscribers could keep track of where we were because I'd skip days and back fill rather than writing from beginning to end. I didn't report certain points in my travelogue, in the interest of time. A tour guide under Seattle asked the group how far we'd traveled. The farthest was from Japan. I mildly resented the question, because the farthest of these "travelers" simply walked into an aluminum tube and were delivered to this city a few hours later. Practically teleportation. But our trip was a journey of several days longer than that of any of these other folks. We worked harder to get here, and know the route. Travel, to me, is a process in the spirit of the Odyssey. Popping to a new town by jetliner isn't really travel because there is no transition. A flight to New Orleans is exactly like a flight to San Francisco. But if you drive, one route traverses woods, bayous and moss forests, and the other covers mountains, deserts, and ferny rain forests. When driving, you know that you are in a different world, and get a feel for why the endpoint is how it is. We do hit the road with a destination in mind, but remain open to seeing what we can see. As in "The bear went over the mountain" song, the target is the mountain. But the goal is yet to be determined. Yes, this song was stuck in my head a few times on the trip. But some of the best stops were unplanned detours. In my youth I was a poor candidate for a road tripper; I got car sick. Any ride more than a half hour, however smooth, had me heaving. I survived family trips to Florida and Michigan, and an annual week at Bull Shoals Lake (about 8 hours away back before I-44 was opened). By the end of each trip my car sickness would subside. We even drove all over Europe when I was 11, so I decorated roadsides in many countries. Travel was not a good word to me. But I had enjoyed reading Henry Reed's Journey so much when I was 8, that I re-read it annually till I was as old as -- and even a few years older than -- the protagonist. I've also read several other classic road trip books. And there was the TV Series "Route 66". I even have a cousin featured in a chapter of The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. So my early nauseated travel disposition was largely trained and enticed out of me. Sadly, the tradition of a road trip grew until 1960's, and then withered up. I think that three major factors did it in:

  • Dropping air fares made flight cheaper than road travel except for the largest families. Figure in gas and motels versus car rental, and a trip longer than a couple of hundred miles became cheaper to fly.
  • The Eisenhower Interstate system created level and straighter and restricted access routes, often replacing or bypassing the WPA Roosevelt Federal Highways. This turned travel from adventure to boredom. How can you stop for the cutie in the produce stall when they are forbidden to be within 100' of the road on which you are forbidden to park? At 75mph, a tourist draw needs to be advertised miles in advance on huge and expensive billboards, and is expected to provide every amenity.
  • And television brought the world into your living room in living color. The producers want you to feel as though you've been there. But until you actually go to these places, you don't know how much you are missing. Now the internet lets you view almost any place you want to, real time and on demand. Why go anywhere? Here's the Colorado River in Canyonlands. But you cannot feel the breeze, hear the subsonic rumble of the water, or smell the piñon pines.
One now can cross the country on the ground without ever seeing a town smaller than a big city. The older roads were slightly slower, but much more interesting to drive. One had to slow down for towns and see things by the road. Even in between towns, you were only feet away from the cows and trees, not 1/4 mile away. As Piet Hein put it in his 1960's Grook
[caption id="attachment_15038" align="alignright" width="225" caption="Click to Shop for Grooks books"][/caption]

Road Sense

God save us, now they're murdering another winding road,
and another lovely countryside will take another load
of pantechnicon and car and motorbike. They're busy making bigger roads, and better roads and more,
so that people can discover even faster than before that everything is everywhere alike.
I disagree that everywhere is alike. Sure, the near-instant transportation that the end of the 20th century took for granted is homogenizing culture. So too is the media endorsement of multiculturalism making all products available in all cities. But there is still regional pride. But you may have to get off the interstate to find it. Also, some of the improved divided Federal Highways are not quite as bland as interstates. Yet. These sections of road have one direction on modern, flat, straight pavement, and the other way is still the old, scenic roller coaster road. US-36 in Missouri is still like that. If you are going east, it is almost like taking the old roads. Alas, our country is now full of ghost towns. Not just the old wild-west and mining boom towns that were tourist stops half a century ago. A few still are. But now most of the highway tourist boom towns of the 30's through 70's are largely boarded up. Some states worked to preserve the old highway life. As did Oklahoma with its turnpike paralleling US-66. But the old classic motels and diners of the heyday of mid 20th century travel are dead or dying where the old road drifts too far from free interstates. Road travel is a somewhat poignant experience, as I feel nostalgia for the era I missed. But there is still a living culture of travel. TV shows like Rare Visions Road Trip and websites like RoadsideAmerica.com try to keep it alive. But relatively few people actually go to these locations. Too many are satisfied to see them on their HDTV, not knowing what they miss. And the only way to find out is to travel. Knowledge may be what you read or are told. But wisdom is what you find out the hard way; what you work to learn. The serendipitous adventure of a road trip, however well planned, brings wisdom and understanding of our country, its culture, and its destiny.

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