Noteworthy entries.

Is Penny Wisdom Plain Foolish?

I spent an hour this evening fixing an appliance that I bought at a yard sale many years ago for a coin. Not only that, but I solely and regularly use this appliance for my daily work. You may wonder, how do I use a potpourri crock pot for work? As the heater part of a small double boiler for an etchant that can eat through glass or titanium, of course. And what can go wrong with a crock pot? Well, this one has been dropped a couple of times. But the crack was dealt with well enough some years ago by a liberal application of Acrylic monomer (Super Glue). So what was wrong now? The crack had weakened the heating element (the hair-thin Ni-chrome filament) and it finally burned through. So I took the thing apart and spliced in a bit of brass wire that I had lying around. That delicate job turned out to be the easy part, given strong magnifying goggles, tiny tools, and decades of fix-it experience. But these diabolical inexpensive units are designed to not-be reassembled. They had actually added an extra part to the design to make reassembly impossible. It took me over a half hour to outwit the designers and get the base re-attached in a manner that would let me take it apart again in the future. For a dozen tax-deductible dollars I can have a new one delivered to my house via eBay. Why do I regularly chose to repair disposable appliances? My parents both went through economic times much worse than the U.S. Depression, each losing nearly everything but their lives. They raised me with essential parsimony. Not actual deprivation, mind you. Just a frugal mindset that pervades my being. But now I have predictable (if meager) income, and no debt. I have money in the bank, and could afford nice things. But it just feels wasteful to throw away something that I can fix. I mentioned this in "How Does a Microwave Work?" Things I no longer need may end up on eBay. I usually net less than minimum wage for my time on most of these sales. But the widget/parts/book gets a new life with someone who really wants it, and the post office makes some money. Yet I regularly ask myself, "Is it worth it?"

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On seeing farther

My law office recently moved to a new building in downtown St. Louis, Missouri. We're now on the 17th floor, and we have unobstructed views in many directions. That led to conversations about how far we could actually see. That led to the purchase of a good set of binoculars (we bought a pair of Nikon 7223 16 x 50 mm binoculars at Amazon for about $100). We also invested in a tripod for the binoculars (another $24). This equipment has led to some rather surprising discoveries. For instance, we can clearly see the McKinley Bridge, which is almost three miles away. Aiming upwards, we can clearly see the Chain of Rocks Bridge, which is almost ten miles away. We can clearly see the Mississippi water flowing under both of these bridges. Looking even further in the distance, we can see several manmade structures in Alton, Illinois. That is 35 miles away by car, at least 25 miles away by air. Alton is also on the Mississippi River. We can't see the river itself in Alton; the structures we can see are on elevated land past the river on the Illinois side. These sites are all to the north--we have yet to explore the other vistas. I didn't know that you could see so far with a good set of binoculars. Rumor has it that one can even see the moon, which is a quarter million miles away. More seriously, and much more impressive, I'm waiting for a clear night to train the binoculars onto Jupiter; it is apparently easy to see the four largest moons of Jupiter from Earth using only binoculars. Back down to earth the question arises: how far can one see, before the Earth's curvature drops the scene too far down? There are formulas to calculate this distance. Assuming the land is relatively flat, the answer depends on how high one's eye are above the ground. Up on the 17th floor, we can supposedly see more than 16 miles over flat ground. Assuming most of that view is not blocked by other buildings, this gives us the ability to "see" (based upon the formula A= pi times r(squared). With a radius of 16, we can see an area of more than 800 square miles, an impressive area of land (I designated a reference-area based upon an 18 mile radius on the attached map). I'll end this post here. I'm now a king ruling over a large kingdom, and my subjects need me to keep a careful lookout.

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What to do with bullies

A chuckling acquaintance recently talked up a television show called "Bully Beatup. The idea of the show is that victims of bullies report the bullies to the producers of "Bully Beatdown." The show's host, Jason "Mayhem" Miller, offers the over-confident bully $10,000 to get into a cage with a highly-skilled mixed martial artist. In sum, then, the idea is to see a highly-skilled fighter beat the shit out of a neighborhood bully. There are some rules:

Each fight features two three-minute rounds: the first consists of grappling (no striking allowed), and the second round involves kickboxing. The bullies begin each round with $5,000 in potential earnings; each time the bully taps out in the first round, $1,000 of his potential earnings go to the victim, and if the fight is stopped in the second round by KO, TKO, or referee, the bully loses the entire sum. In the unlikely scenario that the bully can KO the MMA fighter, he wins money in addition to his first round earnings and the $5,000 from the second round.
If you're in a mood for schadenfreude check it out. This episode lays out the method of the payback, and presents the case of "Vince" the nightmare roommate. A highly confident 6 foot 7 Vince ends of facing an imposing fighter named Michael Westbrook, formerly an NFL wide receiver with tae kwon do and other martial arts training. I suppose that we need shows like this to serve as a counter-weight to less visceral approaches to conflict, such as love thy neighbor. This show is painful to watch, even when the bully gets what he has coming, but immensely memorable.

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Why Take a Road Trip?

I claim to be a traveler. But I don't travel for business. I work from home, so there is not even a daily commute. I have been on only two commercial jets trips in the last decade. So how can I claim to be a traveler? My wife and I take road trips. During our most recent one, we distinctly experienced the disconnect between "travel" and "vacation." Recall National Lampoon's Vacation, but a longer trip, no kids, and most of our destination sites were (barely) still open. Had we left a few days later, and we would have missed much more. This latest trip (click on the map for more details) was an effort: We drove 6,000 miles in 22 days, across thirteen states, in a sedan that I'd bought new for $12k in 1998. It now has over 185,000 miles on it, but still averaged better than 36 mpg for the journey. We took some stretches of older roads to better see America. My narcissistic self photo-blogged as we went. At least on days when there was enough time left for writing and digital darkroom work. About half of the trip got posted only after we got back. But my subscribers could keep track of where we were because I'd skip days and back fill rather than writing from beginning to end. I didn't report certain points in my travelogue, in the interest of time. A tour guide under Seattle asked the group how far we'd traveled. The farthest was from Japan. I mildly resented the question, because the farthest of these "travelers" simply walked into an aluminum tube and were delivered to this city a few hours later. Practically teleportation. But our trip was a journey of several days longer than that of any of these other folks. We worked harder to get here, and know the route. Travel, to me, is a process in the spirit of the Odyssey. Popping to a new town by jetliner isn't really travel because there is no transition. A flight to New Orleans is exactly like a flight to San Francisco. But if you drive, one route traverses woods, bayous and moss forests, and the other covers mountains, deserts, and ferny rain forests. When driving, you know that you are in a different world, and get a feel for why the endpoint is how it is. We do hit the road with a destination in mind, but remain open to seeing what we can see. As in "The bear went over the mountain" song, the target is the mountain. But the goal is yet to be determined. Yes, this song was stuck in my head a few times on the trip. But some of the best stops were unplanned detours. In my youth I was a poor candidate for a road tripper; I got car sick. Any ride more than a half hour, however smooth, had me heaving. I survived family trips to Florida and Michigan, and an annual week at Bull Shoals Lake (about 8 hours away back before I-44 was opened). By the end of each trip my car sickness would subside. We even drove all over Europe when I was 11, so I decorated roadsides in many countries. Travel was not a good word to me. But I had enjoyed reading Henry Reed's Journey so much when I was 8, that I re-read it annually till I was as old as -- and even a few years older than -- the protagonist. I've also read several other classic road trip books. And there was the TV Series "Route 66". I even have a cousin featured in a chapter of The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. So my early nauseated travel disposition was largely trained and enticed out of me. Sadly, the tradition of a road trip grew until 1960's, and then withered up. I think that three major factors did it in:

  • Dropping air fares made flight cheaper than road travel except for the largest families. Figure in gas and motels versus car rental, and a trip longer than a couple of hundred miles became cheaper to fly.
  • The Eisenhower Interstate system created level and straighter and restricted access routes, often replacing or bypassing the WPA Roosevelt Federal Highways. This turned travel from adventure to boredom. How can you stop for the cutie in the produce stall when they are forbidden to be within 100' of the road on which you are forbidden to park? At 75mph, a tourist draw needs to be advertised miles in advance on huge and expensive billboards, and is expected to provide every amenity.
  • And television brought the world into your living room in living color. The producers want you to feel as though you've been there. But until you actually go to these places, you don't know how much you are missing. Now the internet lets you view almost any place you want to, real time and on demand. Why go anywhere? Here's the Colorado River in Canyonlands. But you cannot feel the breeze, hear the subsonic rumble of the water, or smell the piñon pines.
One now can cross the country on the ground without ever seeing a town smaller than a big city. The older roads were slightly slower, but much more interesting to drive. One had to slow down for towns and see things by the road. Even in between towns, you were only feet away from the cows and trees, not 1/4 mile away. As Piet Hein put it in his 1960's Grook
[caption id="attachment_15038" align="alignright" width="225" caption="Click to Shop for Grooks books"][/caption]

Road Sense

God save us, now they're murdering another winding road,
and another lovely countryside will take another load
of pantechnicon and car and motorbike. They're busy making bigger roads, and better roads and more,
so that people can discover even faster than before that everything is everywhere alike.
I disagree that everywhere is alike. Sure, the near-instant transportation that the end of the 20th century took for granted is homogenizing culture. So too is the media endorsement of multiculturalism making all products available in all cities. But there is still regional pride. But you may have to get off the interstate to find it. Also, some of the improved divided Federal Highways are not quite as bland as interstates. Yet. These sections of road have one direction on modern, flat, straight pavement, and the other way is still the old, scenic roller coaster road. US-36 in Missouri is still like that. If you are going east, it is almost like taking the old roads. Alas, our country is now full of ghost towns. Not just the old wild-west and mining boom towns that were tourist stops half a century ago. A few still are. But now most of the highway tourist boom towns of the 30's through 70's are largely boarded up. Some states worked to preserve the old highway life. As did Oklahoma with its turnpike paralleling US-66. But the old classic motels and diners of the heyday of mid 20th century travel are dead or dying where the old road drifts too far from free interstates. Road travel is a somewhat poignant experience, as I feel nostalgia for the era I missed. But there is still a living culture of travel. TV shows like Rare Visions Road Trip and websites like RoadsideAmerica.com try to keep it alive. But relatively few people actually go to these locations. Too many are satisfied to see them on their HDTV, not knowing what they miss. And the only way to find out is to travel. Knowledge may be what you read or are told. But wisdom is what you find out the hard way; what you work to learn. The serendipitous adventure of a road trip, however well planned, brings wisdom and understanding of our country, its culture, and its destiny.

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Tell Me a Joke

Sunday evening I was at a Halloween party, just milling around. Suddenly a tall twenty-something blond in a little black dress appeared in front of me, eagerly brandished a bag of candy, looked directly into my eyes, smiled shyly, and said, "Tell me a joke." Um. I draw a blank. In casual conversation , I am usually full of amusing allusions, anecdotes, word play, and allegory. But I stare helplessly at this vision with her eager smile, silent. I can't think of a thing to say. She stands there waiting. Anyone who has been through college knows about test freeze. You have the answers somewhere in your head, but an impenetrable glacial wall prevents you from getting to them. It was much like that. My mind was a-whorl and adrift. I know that I know a few thousand jokes. Too many of them unusable for a variety of reasons, mostly obsolescence. But I cannot come up with anything. Then another young woman comes up behind me and offers answers. She starts in with a series of blond jokes! Oy, I think, vay. This isn't helping. I mutter something like, "Catch me later," and wander off. Now in retrospect, I ask myself, "Where are my jokes?" I never have been an adept social animal. But I have read dozens of joke books, and scholarly articles on humor. But my lifestyle may also cripple me. I am not agoraphobic, but I don't often meet people in conversational settings. I work from home, communicating primarily by email. I field few phone calls; spending maybe a half hour of phone time a week. Face time? Aside from my wife, I usually go for a week at a time without conversing beyond pleasantries. This is far from the typical office or factory setting where one interrupts conversations to get occasional hours of work in, or where one can converse while working. Most of the joke books I have predate color television. Jokes about FDR or LBJ don't play well any more. Those jokes that I can use are pretty long. Too long to use as a glib response to, "Tell me a joke." I also haven't watched television or listened to talk radio for a couple of months, so I have no idea what currently is passing for humor. But enough about my infirmities. Tell me a joke that I can collect in a repertoire, in case I get another such opportunity.

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