Hell-bound Michael Morris has been working hard at Funmentionables. In his most recent article, he lists seven theme park rides you won’t find at the upcoming Kentucky bible-theme park, which is getting $43 million in tax breaks.

Here are the categories:

1. Porkvalanche!
2. The Undead Jamboree
3. Everybody Must Get Stoned
4. Ye Old Testament Sideshow
5. Tamar’s Wild Ride
6. The All New Testament Sideshow, and
7. Noah’s Post-diluvian Carcass Roundup