Today I was day-dreaming about taking another field trip to a fundamentalist evangelical church.   In my dream, though, I wasn’t going to church to simply observe all the folks getting terrified over getting barbecued in hell.  Nor was I there to promote my new and improved version of the Ten Commandments. 

No, in this dream I was a Martian anthropologist starting my field studies on Earth.  Out of raw luck, I landed my saucer on the parking lot of a fundamentalist church and walked in to begin studying the animals that I found inside.  Here are the field notes from my dream:

I walked in church and noticed lots of animals.  In impeccable English (I studied English a bit in Martian high school) I asked, “Where do the animals sit?”

One of the “men” in charge told me that “animals are not allowed in the church, only people.”   As he said “people,” he pointed to some of the animals.

I inquired, “But aren’t those people animals?”  

This brought on a half-dazed squirmy look.  He looked at me like I was from Mars, which I was, of course.  He protested that he didn’t think of people as “animals.” 

Because I was confused, I pulled out my textbook on Animal Behavior, 7th Edition, by John Alcock (2001).  I glanced at the table of contents, which contained a long list of attributes pertaining to “animals.” I then quickly read further.

Chapter 8 covered “feeding behaviors,” indicating that animals ate food.  I happened to …