Christine O'Donnell is one of those public figures that emerge from time to time that make any writer of fiction envious of reality. Only a truly gifted writer could make someone like this up and then sell her as a plausible character. At the heart of it, she is the problem with the Tea Party. Here's the thing I've never understood about the far right: fiscal responsibility is well and good and certainly we could do with a lot more---we could have used some for the last thirty years, certainly, a period during which Republicans (and by inference conservatives) have been largely in control of Congress---but how come is it we can't seem to get candidates who are just about that without dragging all the social issue crap along with them? I for one am tiring of having my alternatives clipped because some whack-a-do who may well have a sound fiscal policy in mind is also hell bent on "correcting" the lax, immoral, godless state of the country. Now we get right down to the basic issues with Ms. O'Donnell: jacking off. It's destroying the country. People are going blind from this, divorce rates are record high because selfish people are doing themselves at the expense of the shared relationship god intended they have. Abstinence means all of it! Tie those peoples' hands behind their backs! Put those genital safety belts on those young fellows who can't leave johnny alone! Why, if we root out the evil of self-pleasuring, we'll be on the road to sound financial policy and security in no time! Then of course there's the usual slate of absurdities---she's a young earth creationist. (What, may I ask, does this have to do with fiscal conservatism? Well, in her case, apparently, a difficulty with basic math...) Naturally she opposes abortion and since she's so down on pud pounding, we may presume she hasn't much use for birth control of any kind, sex education, or possible female orgasm. She is that perfect contradiction of modern far right womanhood---someone who probably thinks women's place is in the home who is attempting to establish a powerful political career in order to legislate herself back into a state of chattel bondage. And then there's the Libertarian wing of the Tea Party that basically believes people ought to be free to choose their own lives without interference from anyone, especially the government, and eventually they will create the fissure in opposition to the Talibaptist contingent who want more than anything to tell people how to live decent lives. It may do this country good to elect some of these folks into public office so we can see, really see how they perform. How they make their philosophies mesh with what most Americans really want. It's a sad time for American politics. We're in a depression (why they insist on continuing to call it a recession is purist political cynicism), Obama has not miraculously fixed that, and people are pissed off. They are in a "Throw the bastards out" mood, but unfortunately they have little to choose from. The Republican Party, self-deluded that they may ride this tide back into power for "all the right reasons", has so bankrupted its credibility right before, during, and since W that even conservatives must hold their noses to vote for them. The Democrats have failed once again to define an American Ideology behind which the people can get and although right now they are probably on the right track fiscally, it will take time for their actions to result in anything fruitful. (Didn't Obama say all along it would take a long time? Didn't he say this would not be painless? Didn't he say a lot of work would have to be done before things started drifting back to something good? Didn't he? But he's been in office 19 months! My god, just how long is a long time?) They haven't "fixed things" so people don't like them either. So there's the Tea Party. This is bottom of the barrel time. These are the screeling, apocalyptic, neo-revisionist, founding-principled-though-illiterate gang of conspiracy theorist candidates who have gained momentum through sheer quality of nerve, who intend to save the country from our foreign-born Muslim president and the anarcho-socialist intellectual elite. They are the ones who wish to remove all the interfering laws and restrictions that hamper the marrow-deep entrepreneurial American essence and allow people to make millions on their own or starve in the gutter with their families because while Darwin was wrong about biology he was right about economic policy and the weak ought to perish so the strong can dominate. These are the folks who would free us to be dominated by Big Oil, Big Pharma, Big Banking, and Big Insurance. These are people who believe corporations are people, too, and back the American dream nurtured in the heart of every kid who wants to grow up to be a corporation. Or an oligarch. But first, they have to curtail masturbation. The country has had enough of people jacking off. Time to get them back to work.