Assimulated Press – May 13, 2009

Recently discovered secret documents indicate that, in 2006, the Bush Administration ordered the destruction of a major cancer research center and banned the doctors and researchers from ever again communicating with each other.

Dr. Rod Nym, former Director of the center, recently agreed to discuss this disturbing incident with the Affiliated Press.  Nym indicated that the towering brick and mortar research center had its genesis several years ago thanks to a large grant by the Marduk Foundation.   The Center was built in the middle-east corridor of the tri-state region to bring together hundreds of cancer researchers from all corners of the globe.

Even though the researchers and doctors came from many different countries and spoke many different languages, they were able to communicate efficiently thanks to special software installed throughout the center.  The software was similar to Babelfish, and it instantly translated any language into any other language, enabling the researchers to collaborate to an extent never before seen in an international research team.

Dr. James King was also quite proud of the work done by the Center.  “We had assembled a first-rate international community of experts.  I can’t adequately express the pride we all felt in working together doing our research and helping cancer patients.”

Nym added, “We fully intended to wipe out cancer with our advances.  We constantly encouraged each other to think outside of the box.  We refused to recognize any limits to what we were striving to do.”

The Center had been widely praised for its progress in developing new cures to cancer.  Many of the patients at the center had shown dramatic progress.

“It was a tall and beautiful research facility,” stated Nym.   “I worked in the main tower of the state-of-the-art center.  I was in heaven, at least until George Bush ordered the destruction of our research center.”

The newly discovered documents indicate that the Bush Administration decided to destroy the new research center and scatter the researchers because “the researchers were too proud of their own accomplishments in discovering cures for cancer.”   The Bush executive order required not only that the research center be destroyed, but that “all copies of the translator software must be erased.”

The destruction of the translating software confounded the communication of the researchers, and they no longer collaborate in any way.

As the wrecking ball knocked down the last remaining fragments of the center, a large group of people from a local church applauded.  One of those people was Ms. Armanai Etemenanki, who mentioned that her own father was battling lung cancer.

“I pray every day that God will cure my father of his cancer,” Etemenanki said.  “There’s a right way and a wrong way to be healed, and this arrogant group of researchers was a bad idea from day one.”