I can’t reveal how I obtained a copy of the dramatic memo re-printed below.  It is important reading for anyone who might someday die.  It is a rare candid glimpse into the mind of the Creator of the Universe.

To: Heaven Admission Screeners
From: God
Date: December 23, 2006
Re: Criteria for Admittance to Heaven

As you all learned in your basic training, our screening program is simple.   After a person dies, he or she is brought to one of the numerous screening stations at the Pearly Gates (it’s a lot like airport customs down on Earth).  Each applicant is asked to succinctly describe what he or she has accomplished on earth that would justify admission into heaven.   We’ve heard lots of flimsy excuses over the eons, many of them falling into predicable categories.  I wrote this “refresher memo” to point out many of these commonly heard (deficient) accomplishments and to give you a few other pointers to assist you in your screening duties. 

First of all, keep the focus on the bottom line: exclude from heaven all of those people who haven’t shown any significant accomplishments while they lived on earth. Remember, our task is to give fair, expedient and professional resolutions of whether the applicant deserves admission to heaven.  Your job is not to chit-chat with the applicants, much less counsel those who you’ve just turned down.  Tell them that the rules are the rules, then loudly and resolutely state, “Next!”

Many applicants base their application primarily on …