Scientist finds all missing links. Evolution proved. Churches scheduled to close.

Assimulated Press - Tempe, Arizona In a discovery that not even the most optimistic scientist would ever have predicted, all of the transitional forms necessary to prove that evolution is indeed a fact have been found in one location. In a strange twist of fate, it was a Creationist scientist who found the fossils. Uncovered over the course of several years at one extensive archeological dig in Arizona were all the so-called “missing links” needed to show that man has indeed evolved from simpler primate ancestors and that we are kin to all other primates, mammals and indeed every living thing on the planet. At a press conference on Monday, chief archeologist Matthew Christiansen of the Creation Science Foundation stated, “I really didn’t expect to find these fossils. Genesis says that we were created separate from the animals but even I can’t deny this evidence. People can now stop saying that evolution is ‘only a theory’ because it isn’t. It’s a fact. We now have all the complete sets of fossilized transitional forms that we need. There are no gaps. This case is closed.” The news has sent Jewish synagogues and Christian churches around the world into a frenzy. Rabbi Eli Weinstein of the Beth Shalom Israel synagogue in New York put it this way, “Those of us who accepted the traditional account of seven day creation as true are devastated. Proof of evolution means that Genesis is wrong which means that God doesn’t exist. I guess I’m out of a job!” [More . . . ]

Continue ReadingScientist finds all missing links. Evolution proved. Churches scheduled to close.

Jon Stewart remains my hero –

As I have not been around DI of late, I thought I'd pop in just momentarily to reiterate my adoration (no, that's not too strong a word) of Jon Stewart. His show recently won an Emmy and in a poll conducted by Time Magazine over the summer, he was once again named the most trusted journalist in America. Some find that appalling, that a comedian doing "fake news" would be trusted - but not only do I not find it a surprise, I find it emblematic of what is great about our country. Yep, strangely enough, I believe that beyond all of the nonsense foisted upon us by the fear-mongers and the naysayers and the hand-wringers, above the greed and corruption, the re-emergence of public racism and class-ism that has knocked the very wind out of us over this last year - we, as a culture, have maintained one vital component of our identity as a nation.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
America: Target America
www.thedailyshow.com
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We still have a senses of humor. Most importantly, we can still poke fun at ourselves. Stewart takes on the rightwing nutjobs with LMAO-level attacks, but he just as willingly puts Obama and the Democratic congressfolk smack in their liberal places. He brilliantly points out the hypocrisy by putting videos back-to-back in which politicians completely contradict themselves. He forces us to see the political blustering for what it is, and gives voice to sanity in the midst of complete crazy. He makes sure we never forget our humanity. Last week, he took on the absurdly ridiculous overreaction to the elementary school in New Jersey in which children sang a song about the new President during Black History Month. As he points out, no one complained about it at the time. And Stewart's lampooning of the way the rightwing media turned this non-story into something murky and evil became especially potent when he pulled out video of school children in New Orleans singing a song in which they THANK THE LORD for Bush and FEMA!!! Good grief. The twinkle in Stewart's eyes as he reads the lyrics that group of kids sang is priceless. Carry on -

Continue ReadingJon Stewart remains my hero –

Sex in heaven – Part II

A co-worker raised a thorny issue today. Assume that there is actually a heaven and that if you are good, you get to go there after you die. Assume, further, that your spouse dies first, and you thus get to be re-united with your spouse in heaven. Now that would be one hell of a joyous reunion, right? You both actually died and now you find each other up there! But not so fast . . . What happens to widows and widowers who have remarried? If all of the relevant parties were good, we're going to have this uncomfortable situation: Joe goes to heaven and he sees his first wife Edna asking him to join her on the cloud on the left, while Betty, his second wife, is asking him to join her on the cloud on the right. What should he do? I thought that the whole reason that you could re-married is because your first spouse was dead. But that tidy earthly situation would unravel in heaven. It could get really complicated in heaven if there were sex in heaven, but there apparently isn't. I once heard a Christian radio-show preacher having an extended conversation with an earnest caller about this exact topic (I wrote about this conversation in 2006--it was one of the first posts at DI). The radio-preacher assured that man that there was no such thing as sex in heaven, but don't worry, because the joys of heaven would be "better than sex." The caller was upset. He insisted that he wanted to have sex in heaven--even if there was also something "better than sex." If body-less people still have emotions and passions, I would expect considerable turmoil in heaven. Even couples who had been happily married for 50 years might have their patience tested after sitting together on the same cloud for several million years. What if she decides that she wants to go visit some other guy on some other cloud, legitimately claiming: "I know that it's utterly perfect up here in heaven, but we've already discussed everything that we could possibly discuss. I know everything about you; you know everything about me. I'm tired of having that thing that's better than sex, even though we have it 3 times per week, which is more than most couples in heaven." Is there marriage counseling in heaven? A heavenly divorce court? What about popcorn? Just because you don't have a traditional human body up there, wouldn't you still crave popcorn? Consider this case of dead Mary, who now lives in heaven:

Mary [speaking to her dead doctor, who works as a physician in heaven): "I crave popcorn" Mary's doctor: "You have phantom taste buds syndrome. You just think you crave popcorn. You don't really crave it, and that's a good thing, because popcorn would fall right through your ethereal hands. But don't worry. We have things that are better than popcorn up here.
Assume, too, that the guy who wanted sex in heaven finally dies and makes it to heaven. After a few restless nights, though, he complains to the heaven doctor: "I'm horny." Heaven doctor: "No, you only think you are horny. You have phantom penis syndrome. I'll end with a quote by George Bernard Shaw:

Heaven: a place so inane, so dull, so useless, so miserable, that nobody has ever ventured to describe a whole day in heaven, though plenty of people have described a day at the seaside.

Continue ReadingSex in heaven – Part II