Instant Rockstar and Instant Respect

Now you don't have to learn how to play the guitar. All you need to do is pretend that you can play guitar. At my neighborhood Walgreens, there is now a big display featuring Paper Jamz plastic and cardboard string-less guitars (electronic sensors pick up where your hands are). For only $25 ($15 extra if you want a separate amp made mostly out of cardboard), you can be an "Instant Rockstar." I picked up one of these "guitars" to see whether I could feel like an "Instant Rockstar" right there in the aisles of Walgreens. I felt the glow of stardom for only a few seconds, because you can't actually play Paper Jamz guitar like you can play a real guitar (I play the guitar professionally). You can't play individual notes, you can't play precise rhythms, the sound range is extremely limited, there are no dynamics and there is only one genre offered: distorted rock chords. Each of these five models of "guitar" is loaded with only three songs. Once you master the three songs on one of the guitars, you'll need to go back to Walgreens and pay $25 for a different model in order to play three more songs. Instead of real guitar lessons, just go to Rockstarz Academy. The manufacturer of the Paper Jamz "guitar" tells you that you'd be wasting your time and money to buy a real guitar and learn how to play it. The Paper Jamz display actually includes a video promo with this opening line: "Why play an electric guitar when you can play Paper Jamz?" Why, indeed? I would offer one good reason why you might want to forgo the Paper Jamz "guitar." When you play a fake guitar instead of a real guitar, you will get fake respect, instead of real respect. To paraphrase and expand the Paper Jamz motto, "Why live a real life when you can watch TV and pretend to be living a life?" Amotz Zahavi made it clear that in order to be reliable, a signal means to be expensive. If you want lots of respect, then, go practice hard so that you really learn how to play the guitar, and then come back and impress people by playing real songs. Paying $25 and then banging on a piece of plastic and cardboard isn't going to get you much respect, unless your audience consists of three-year-olds. Then again, I'm probably missing the point because massive numbers of Americans are under the delusion that reality is the way they desire it to be, rather than the way it actually is. Buying a cardboard guitar can bring instant respect to many teenagers because they believe it can. We are a society that craves instant respect. We show off our gadgets and toys to the have-nots for instant respect. We join the military so we can carry guns, wear uniforms and blow things up in order to get instant respect, even though we've floundered through life until then. We celebrate family tragedies, sickness and addictions because these bring us respect as high-ranking victims. We strive to shake hands with Hollywood and sports celebrities, because this brings us instant respect. We become fans of professional sports teams in the hopes that they will win their championship, which seems to bring us respect. I hope that everybody buying a Paper Jamz guitar really takes the time to impress their friends by "playing the guitar" before they lose all interest in "playing" the three songs programmed into their "guitar." I'm not denying that this gadget is technologically impressive or that it could be fun for a small child. But within a few months after buying a Paper Jamz guitar, this gadget will undoubtedly end up in the back of the closet, and it will eventually be tossed into a landfill with all the other gadgets we buy in our attempts to gain instant respect.

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The magic and the power of music

Back in the 1970’s, when I was 17, I assumed the role of co-leader of a St. Louis 8-piece jazz-rock bank we called “Ego.” It was great fun (you’ll find a photo here). We learned a lot about performing music and we learned even more about people. I loved playing music back then—it unleashed something in me, something ineffable. Five years later, though, I was fully absorbed with law school, because I had come to the conclusion that I needed to have a stable career. I made this choice assuming that I could always play music on the side. But then I became a lawyer, a career that is a demanding mistress. Over the years, there was always something else that had to get done, much of it law-related, so I haven’t played much music for the past few decades, not until this past year. During the past year, I’ve been working hard at becoming a better guitarist, and there’s no better way to do that than by practicing an hour every day. That’s what I used to tell hundreds of guitar students during the nine years that I taught lessons. I told them to practice every day and that they would see dramatic results, guaranteed. It’s absolutely true. I’ve also worked hard to improve my singing over the past year. I never considered myself to be a singer, though I occasionally sang. Over the past six months, I’ve received a few voice lessons from local musician Leslie Sanazaro, and more recently a lesson from Charles Glenn, the other co-leader of Ego, whose talents are well-recognized in Saint Louis. I shouldn’t have been surprised by the result of putting time into music again. My guitar chops have improved dramatically. I am now a better jazz player than ever before. My voice is now something that no longer embarrasses me; I now see my voice as an instrument that has the ability to command at least as much attention as my guitar playing, and I’ve worked hard to shape my voice to mesh with various types of tunes. [caption id="attachment_11977" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image by clearviewstock at Dreamstime.com (with permission)"]Image by clearviewstock at Dreamstime.com (with permission)[/caption] Last week was a benchmark of sorts. I performed at the Culinaria, a downtown grocery store for three hours. I was joined for thirty-minutes by an excellent violinist named Stephanie To, but the remainder of the three-hour session consisted of me playing the guitar and singing (pop, jazz and folk). Since that performance, I was invited to sign up to perform two additional gigs, and there are several others in the works at local Saint Louis establishments. I am now feeling that once again I can honestly and proudly claim that I am a “musician.” It was ironic that after making music a significant part of my life again, I came across Yusuf Islam’s DVD, Yusuf’s Café. Islam, formerly known as Cat Stevens, is an extraordinary musician (songwriter, guitarist, pianist and vocalist) who rebelled against the pace, the superficiality and the artificiality of life (his lyrics were autobiographical in these regards). As a result of this mismatch back in the late 70’s, he jumped from his then-hectic world into a much simpler world permeated by the Islamic faith, a world where his family and his God were priorities. For almost thirty years, Yusuf Islam had been under the belief that the Islamic faith did not allow the performance of his type of music, so he totally gave it up. He didn’t even own a guitar.

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But is it still live music?

Back when I was in high school and college, I played the guitar and sang backup for my band. We called ourselves "Ego," and described ourselves as a "jazz-rock" band. There were eight of us, including a brass section--this splits the take rather painfully--but it was intensely satisfying for 18 and 19-year-olds to earn paychecks playing tunes by Chicago and Blood Sweat and Tears. I only sang a couple songs lead—I hid behind two incredibly talented singers who did most of the vocal work. The attached photo is Ego performing back in 1974. ego Since then, we've all gone on to pursue careers as such things as an engineer, teacher, letter carrier and lawyer (though our percussionist/lead singer, Charles Glenn, continues to make a living as a singer in the St. Louis area). Fast forward to 2009. I would love to play music with other musicians again, but I have a day job and a family (and a blog). It would be extremely difficult to arrange for rehearsals that didn't interfere with my many other obligations. I've recently started picking up my guitar to play and sing. It’s not sounding all that bad, and I’m starting to consider performing for others again. [BTW--I had a scary episode where my left hand became numb cause by a pinched nerve in my neck. After surgery, the feeling in my hand is returning nicely, which probably explains my renewed interest in playing music again.] I've never thought of myself as a singer, but I thought that I would have a much better chance of getting a solo gig if I learned to sing rather than just playing the guitar. Therefore, I recently took a singing lesson from Leslie Sanazaro, from whom I learned that my breathing was all wrong, a condition that can reportedly be remedied by doing exercises that would look and sound rather silly to anyone other than a singing teacher. Leslie advised me that my pitch is okay but that I need to get out there and get some confidence. She said that the best way to get confidence is to go out and sing in public, over and over. That's easy to say, of course. If you are not enamored with your voice, though, it is a daunting task. It brings back memories when, in the second grade, every student was required to stand up in front of the class and sing a song (my voice trembled and my knees knocked as I sang “Ooey Gooey Was a Worm"). And even when I can sing a couple short songs that sound half-decent, I've noticed that in extended sessions, my voice grates on me. The fears that I'm experiencing are common, according to Leslie. She sent me this caveat by email: "Don't get too burned out on your own voice, it's the only one there is!" My quest is thus to go out with a guitar and sing songs. It's something that I intend to do within the next month or two at an open mic session at a local bar or coffee shop. Not a big deal, perhaps. But my voice and my guitar make for such a tiny band, nothing like that eight-piece jazz rock ensemble that I surrounded myself with when I was a young musician. Are there other ways to spruce up my little band without collaborating with other musicians? Yes, indeed, there are many reasonably-priced options, but these options raise issues about the authenticity of one's "live" performance. For purists, there is no substitute for an acoustic guitar and an un-amplified voice. That's how I often practice at home. Over the years, however, various devices have been offered to musicians which make performances less pure, acoustically speaking. We are all now familiar with electronic amplifiers for voices and guitars. Those of us who like the acoustic sound can amplify it by sticking high-tech pickups into our acoustic guitars. I use a Fishman brand "Blend" pickup in my guitar, which combines a piezo microphone with a tiny acoustic microphone, giving you impressive control over the sound. Even when it is amplified substantially, the guitar still sounds "acoustic." So what else can you do to enhance the sound of a guitarist/singer?

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