Abandoning one’s adoptive child

What am I supposed to think when a woman steps forward to publicize her decision to give up an adopted child that she had raised for 18 months? This story leaves me bewildered. I don’t think the story tells me enough to allow me to know what to think. I keep wondering, "What if it had been her biological child? What would I think then? Would I have an opinion in that case, or would I be in this same puzzled/confused state that I'm now experiencing? How could I possibly render judgment without knowing a lot more about all of those involved? Even though I am sorely tempted to be angry with this adoptive mother at a gut level. But, as indicated in the video, this woman has parented her own biological children too. But that can cut two ways. And why aren't we told anything at all about the adoptive father and his history and attitudes regarding this baby? And what about the claim that the baby is doing "well" with his new family? That cuts both ways too, in my opinion. What's really going on here? Were there financial issues? Racial issues? Medical issues? Such a frustrating story to me. What is the take-away message from this story? It makes me feel like a voyeur and it makes me want to accuse MSNBC of irresponsibly packaging this story. Note: For those who don't know me, I am an adoptive parent of two girls from China who I very much consider to be my daughter forever, no matter what happens--and that's how my wife and I looked at adoption from Day One. I wonder how much my personal history colors my views on this abandonment story.

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An alternative to paranoia regarding the safety of your children: Free Range Kids

Remember the woman who was criticized for allowing her highly competent 9-year old boy find his way home on the Manhattan subway? Her name is Lenore Skenazy. She's a syndicated columnist and she's not retreating a single inch. She has created a website called Free Range Kids. In April, 2009, she published a book called Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry. Here's how she sums up the widespread American problem:

Somehow, a whole lot of parents are just convinced that nothing outside the home is safe. At the same time, they’re also convinced that their children are helpless to fend for themselves. While most of these parents walked to school as kids, or hiked the woods — or even took public transportation — they can’t imagine their own offspring doing the same thing. They have lost confidence in everything: Their neighborhood. Their kids. And their own ability to teach their children how to get by in the world.

Lenore reminds us to consider our own "dangerous" childhoods when thinking of extending your own child's leash--and she has drawn hundreds of lively comments. What is general solution?

We do NOT believe that every time school age children go outside, they need a security detail. Most of us grew up Free Range and lived to tell the tale. Our kids deserve no less. This site dedicated to sane parenting . . .

I started this site for anyone who thinks that kids need a little more freedom and would like to connect to people who feel the same way. We are not daredevils. We believe in life jackets and bike helmets and air bags. But we also believe in independence. Children, like chickens, deserve a life outside the cage. The overprotected life is stunting and stifling, not to mention boring for all concerned. So here’s to Free Range Kids, raised by Free Range Parents willing to take some heat. I hope this web site encourages us all to think outside the house.

This is a well-considered site with lots of ideas for tempering our paranoia about child abductions and sexual predators. Here are a few additional Free Range Children stories that I recommend from Lenore's site:

The end of the Super-Mom Era.

How cell phones can stunt your children's emotional growth.

Here's another article detailing the subway adventure. And here's Lenore's three-minute video describing her approach.

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The Right is wrong

My 10 year old daughter came home from school last week, and while she sat with me eating her after-school snack asked me; “Is President Obama a racist?” she said. “No, honey, where’d you hear that?” I said. “Well, [so and so] said that in class to me today and I just wanted to know,” she said. “Did the person tell you where they had heard such a thing, honey?” I asked. “Yeah, [their] grandpa said it,” my daughter replied. “He heard it on TV.” My daughter and I had a discussion on what is racism, its source in ignorance, and how it’s just plain wrong. We also talked about the TV and radio shows which spread intolerance and bigotry for profit and political gain. My daughter’s eyes glazed over a little, and I said; “Thanks for letting me know what’s up with you! Go play with your friends!” Well, I never thought it could happen but, there is obviously no lowest depth of putrid vile chicanery that the far right wing racists will go to block anything that President Obama is up to keep his promise of change in America. Now they’re indoctrinating racism into 10 year old school children.

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Woody Allen on raising secular humanists

Woody Allen discusses raising his children as secular humanists:

We've raised them, not in any particular religion, but as what we call secular humanists – meaning we've taught them to be honest and kind, and to have respect for human dignity and the rights of other people. And, apart from that, we're trying to keep their minds as open as they can be. We're trying to educate them by giving them as much information as we can, so that when they grow up, they will be competent to make their own evaluations about what they believe.

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