Why did some of the children wait for the second marshmallow? It’s not a matter of sheer willpower.

The marshmallow study run by psychologist Walter Mischel is a classic. In the late 1960s, the researcher Dave hundreds of four-year-olds, one by one, the chance to either eat one marshmallow right away, or to wait for a while, whereupon they would be allowed to eat two marshmallows when the experimenter returned to the room. Most of the children could not wait for the experimenter to return, even though that happened only 15 minutes later. Mischel's study is the focus of an article called "Don't," in the May 18, 2009 edition of the New Yorker. The incredible thing about the children who waited is that they did dramatically better in their lives as adults than the children who couldn't wait. The children who couldn't wait:

Got lower SAT scores. They struggled in stressful situations, often had trouble paying attention and found it difficult to maintain friendships. The children who could wait 15 minutes had an SAT score that was, on average, 210 points higher than that of the kids who can wait only 30 seconds.

But there's more: "Low-delaying adults have a significantly higher body-mass index and are more likely to have had problems with drugs . . ." I commented more about this fascinating study here. The obvious question was whether the 30% of the children who had the ability to wait for the second marshmallow were simply exercising willpower or self-control. Mischel's follow-up work indicates that it's not a matter of sheer willpower.

The crucial skill was the "strategic allocation of attention." Instead of getting obsessed with the marshmallow--the "hot stimulus"-- the patient children distracted themselves by covering their eyes, pretending to play hide and seek underneath the desk, or singing songs from Sesame Street." Their desire wasn't defeated--it was merely forgotten. If you are thinking about the marshmallow and how delicious it is, then you're going to eat it,"Mischel says. "The key is to avoid thinking about it in the first place.

The reason that the successful children were able to wait reminded me of work by Jonathan Haidt, who suggested (in his book, The Happiness Hypothesis) that human beings consist of two parts. The most powerful part is a huge elephant consisting of appetite cravings and emotions ridden by a "lawyer." The appetites and emotions are simply too powerful to control by sheer willpower. One of the best tools for the "lawyer" has, then, is to distract the elephant. "Just say no" just doesn't work very well or very long. What does seem to work, however, is to divert and distract the attention of the elephant. The same technique that was employed by the successful children, many of whom became extremely successful adults.

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The importance of play for adults

In a recent talk at TED, psychiatrist Stuart Brown talked about the vital importance of play. Brown opened his talk by showing an incredible series of photographs demonstrating that a huge hungry polar bear can be seduced into playing with dogs rather than eating them. Like a polar bear, play induces an "altered state" in humans. Play is a great leveler: great differences in power can be overridden by play. In fact, the absence of play is dangerous, as demonstrated by the case histories of mass murderers. Brown describes various kinds of play, including body play (e.g., jumping), object play (manipulating objects), social play, rough-and-tumble play, ritual play and imaginative play (storytelling). These activities simply make us feel better. They are purposeless. In fact, if the purpose is more important than the act of doing these things, they are not "play." As I listened to this list, I was wondering whether sexual play is of the same importance as the other types of play. The study of play is still in its infancy. Historically, this has not been a well-funded area of scientific investigation. Nonetheless, the evidence we already have suggests that play is important for developing cognitively, emotionally and developmentally. We already know that "nothing lights up the brain like play." In fact, the ability to trust is learned through vocal, facial and gestural play signals. As Brown indicates, humans are perhaps the most neotonous species, suggesting a special need for humans to engage in play, whether they are infants or adults. Various animal studies have shown that preventing an animal from playing causes dysfunction. Thus, it seems that play is important for survival. In fact, life without play seems to lead inexorably to depression. When we look back in our history to determine what sorts of activities energized us when we were youngsters, we might deal with see that we have strayed from those things that gave us the pleasure of play. When we explore our personal history, we might find that we are mismatched in terms of career or other activities. [caption id="attachment_5702" align="alignright" width="150" caption="Image by mildegard at dreamstime.com"]Image by mildegard at dreamstime.com[/caption] Brown encourages the audience that they should not set aside time to play. Rather, they (including adults) should infuse every moment of their lives with play. He argues that play is just important for humans as is asleep and dreaming.

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The Journey: an outsider attends a different kind of church

People have all kinds of hobbies.  Some people like to knit.  Other people like to collect stamps.  I like to go to church while playing the role of “anthropologist.”

When I am thinking about visiting a church, my biggest decision is deciding what church to visit.  That was my decision three days ago. I had already been to a stern and humorless evangelical church.  The thing I remembered about that church was the scriptural quotation featured on the T-shirts of hundreds of the people attending: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.”  It was a quote from Proverbs 1:7.  I remember thinking “Of all the quotes they could’ve chosen from the Bible, this one is strange indeed.  Any good teacher knows that the best students are driven by natural curiosity and a good dose of skepticism, not by fear.”

Back to my task of choosing a church.  Last week, I just happened to be in the car listening to a fundamentalist A.M. radio station when I heard neocon talk show host Paul McGuire ranting about a new crop of churches designed for young people, churches that allegedly don’t spend enough time on the Bible but, instead, cater to the social needs of the congregation.  Maguire’s rant went on for several minutes, long enough for me to conclude that I simply had to go to one of these new hip churches to see for myself.

As it turns out, one of those new “emerging” churches is located about …

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