On the Critical Importance of Friendships

Two stunning items about friendship from Eric Barker's article: This is How to Make Friends as an Adult: 5 Secrets Backed by Research.

1. Excerpt from "Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect" (2013) by Matthew D. Lieberman:

In a survey given in 1985, people were asked to list their friends in response to the question “Over the last six months, who are the people with whom you discussed matters important to you?” The most common number of friends listed was three; 59 percent of respondents listed three or more friends fitting this description. The same survey was given again in 2004. This time the most common number of friends was zero. And only 37 percent of respondents listed three or more friends. Back in 1985, only 10 percent indicated that they had zero confidants. In 2004, this number skyrocketed to 25 percent. One out of every four of us is walking around with no one to share our lives with.

2. Excerpt from Friendfluence, by Carlin Flora (2013):

[N]ot having enough friends or having a weak social circle is the same risk factor as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. We’ve had such great public health campaigns against smoking in the last 20-odd years, and now we’re finally learning that having a good and satisfying social life is just as important, if not more important, than avoiding cigarettes.

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Alcohol-Related Deaths: More Than a Big Number

The following excerpt is from an article at Gizmodo: "Alcohol Is Killing More Americans Than Ever."

More and more Americans are drinking themselves to death. A new study this week finds there were around 72,000 alcohol-related deaths among people over the age of 16 in 2017—more than double the number of similar deaths recorded two decades earlier.

When an airplane crashes, killing 200 people, we get upset and we demand to know how airplanes can be made more safe. When the equivalent of 360 airplanes filled with people die of alcohol use each year, we shrug. We shrug even though every one of these alcohol deaths affects many other people, including members of the dead person's immediate family. We shrug even though for each death, there are many living alcoholics out there destroying precious relationships they used to have with their loved ones.

Gizmodo based its article on a study published January 7, 2020.  Here is an excerpt:

The number of alcohol‐related deaths per year among people aged 16+ doubled from 35,914 to 72,558, and the rate increased 50.9% from 16.9 to 25.5 per 100,000. Nearly 1 million alcohol‐related deaths (944,880) were recorded between 1999 and 2017. In 2017, 2.6% of roughly 2.8 million deaths in the United States involved alcohol. Nearly half of alcohol‐related deaths resulted from liver disease (30.7%; 22,245) or overdoses on alcohol alone or with other drugs (17.9%; 12,954). . . . The largest annual increase occurred among Non-Hispanic White females. Rates of acute alcohol‐related deaths increased more for people aged 55 to 64, but rates of chronic alcohol‐related deaths, which accounted for the majority of alcohol‐related deaths, increased more for younger adults aged 25 to 34

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Project Concludes: Many Classic Psychological Studies are Not Reproducible

Some of my favorite findings are being called into question. Excellent discussion at the Atlantic, in an article titled "Psychology’s Replication Crisis Is Running Out of Excuses":

In recent years, it has become painfully clear that psychology is facing a “reproducibility crisis,” in which even famous, long-established phenomena—the stuff of textbooks and TED Talks—might not be real. There’s social priming, where subliminal exposures can influence our behavior. And ego depletion, the idea that we have a limited supply of willpower that can be exhausted. And the facial-feedback hypothesis, which simply says that smiling makes us feel happier.

One by one, researchers have tried to repeat the classic experiments behind these well-known effects—and failed. And whenever psychologists undertake large projects, like Many Labs 2, in which they replicate past experiments en masse, they typically succeed, on average, half of the time.

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On Fragility of Memory and on Picking Friends

From "The Reality of Illusory Memories," by Elizabeth Loftus, et al (1995).

The fragility of memory in real-life settings has been simulated in the interference studies of the last two decades. In these studies, subjects first witness a complex event such as a simulated violent crime or an automobile accident. Sometime later, half of the subjects receive misleading information about the event, while the other half do not. . . . With a little help from misinformation, subjects have recalled seeing stop signs when they were actually yield signs, hammers when they were actually screwdrivers, and curly-haired culprits when they actually had straight hair. Subjects have also recalled nonexistent items such as broken glass, tape recorders, and even something as large and conspicuous as a barn in a scene that contained no buildings at all.

These finding are critically important, both on a cultural scale and in our individual lives. This is why it is so important to choose friends who will challenge us and question not only our assumptions but also our perceptions, our FACTS. Our memories become sick and dysfunctional to the extent that we spend time with people who want to bask in the cozy warmth of agreeableness, who crave loyal tribal friendship more than truth. We need friends who (lovingly) challenge us when we most want them to agree with us.

Next time you crave someone to agree with you on politics, religion or your belief that someone has treated you unfairly, choose your audience wisely. Don't choose a friend who simply wants to make you feel happy and supported. Choose friends who will put you under the spotlight.

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Family Gymnastics Traditions

My grandfather, Robert Wich, was an amateur gymnast. Below, you'll see a photo of him doing a routine with his gymnastics partner (I'm assuming that this photo was taken in the early 1920's My grandfather is the one in the air).



I am trying to respect this family tradition, but I find it easier to do impressive acrobatics in my own way at the Oto-phay Op-Shay Branch of the YMCA. Here I am performing the rarely seen finger-balancing routine with my gymnastics partner, Edie White. I'm also attaching a close-up so you can appreciate the critical placement of fingers.



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