Secret memo revealed: God’s own instructions for deciding who gets into heaven

I can’t reveal how I obtained a copy of the dramatic memo re-printed below.  It is important reading for anyone who might someday die.  It is a rare candid glimpse into the mind of the Creator of the Universe.

To: Heaven Admission Screeners
From: God
Date: December 23, 2006
Re: Criteria for Admittance to Heaven

As you all learned in your basic training, our screening program is simple.   After a person dies, he or she is brought to one of the numerous screening stations at the Pearly Gates (it’s a lot like airport customs down on Earth).  Each applicant is asked to succinctly describe what he or she has accomplished on earth that would justify admission into heaven.   We’ve heard lots of flimsy excuses over the eons, many of them falling into predicable categories.  I wrote this “refresher memo” to point out many of these commonly heard (deficient) accomplishments and to give you a few other pointers to assist you in your screening duties. 

First of all, keep the focus on the bottom line: exclude from heaven all of those people who haven’t shown any significant accomplishments while they lived on earth. Remember, our task is to give fair, expedient and professional resolutions of whether the applicant deserves admission to heaven.  Your job is not to chit-chat with the applicants, much less counsel those who you’ve just turned down.  Tell them that the rules are the rules, then loudly and resolutely state, “Next!”

Many applicants base their application primarily on …

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Ingroup v outgroup – a primer

In my quest to better understand basic principles of group behavior, I reviewed Intergroup Relations, by Maryland B. Brewer and Norman Miller (1996) [this work appears to be out of print].  The stated focus this book is to better understand “the causes and consequences of the distinctions between ingroups (those groups to which an individual belongs) and outgroups (social groups that do not include the individual as a member).  At the outset, the authors note “the apparently universal propensity to differentiate the social world into ‘us’ and ‘them.’”  (Page xiii).

It was my suspicion that basic principles of social psychology would give me a deeper context for understanding many modern conflicts.   I was not disappointed.  By the way, these same principles appear in all basic social psychology books.  Nothing I mention here is tentative or controversial among social scientists.

According to Sherif (1966) “whenever individuals belonging to one group interact, collectively or individually, with another group or its members in terms of their group identification, we have an instance of Intergroup behavior.”  (Page 2)   Such social categories “tend to be less rational than other categorizations in that the beliefs we hold about social groupings often do not rest on firm evidence of actual Intergroup differences.”  (Page 6)  Once we establish categories, “we are biased toward information that enhances the differences between categories and less attentive to information about similarities between members of different categories.”  (Page 7).

We live in a pluralistic society.  Therefore, individuals are simultaneously members in multiple …

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Sometimes I myth people

Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don’t. We’re only human, after all. In my life journey I have beliefs that sometimes conflict with observable reality. The issue, then, is whether to conform my beliefs to observable reality. Too often, I don’t. I assemble the facts and weigh them, often discarding compelling proofs that what I hold are mythical beliefs.  But we all do this. 

I will cite an example: my belief in the fundamental goodness of human beings.

I didn’t begin to drive until I was 40. I had lived in St. Louis 35 years before that and my friends either didn’t know or didn’t care that I didn’t drive (to be honest, I had occasionally operated a car but, only in emergency situations where my lack of skills was outweighed by other more pressing concerns). I also lived or spent time in Washington, D.C., New York City and Boston, where there’s real public transportation. But here in St. Louis I used public transit.  Or I rode a bike, ran or walked, if traveling less than two miles. For most of that period I got around St. Louis (and the rest of the country) by hitchhiking. After high school, I hitched around the country and stayed in various places–I’d call home collect to let my family know I was alive. My most frequently traveled routes were between home and Colorado and home and Chicago.

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Conspiring To Theorize

I've seen a couple of those independantly produced DVD "exposes" about the 9/11 disaster--you know, the ones attributing sinsister intent to the United States government, that, in fact, we "knew" and did nothing in order to promote subsequent insanity.  I've been taking these things with large grains of salt for…

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