God returns to set the record straight

For centuries, of course, people had been praying for God to return to Earth.  He came back all right, but it was so very different than most people expected.  It happened on October 3, 2009.  I remember it like it was yesterday . . .

It had been quite cloudy that day, but the clouds parted to reveal a huge marquee announcing that God would appear within five minutes.  During this short wait, pastel patterns swirled across the skies while Miles Davis’ “Kind of Blue” played lushly from the heavens. Then, God’s image began to appear on thousands of monitors that appeared in the sky.  Everyone on the Earth was about see this spectacle simultaneously.

As you might expect with seven billion people, it took awhile to get everyone calmed down.  The preachers were especially excited; most of them were wearing big smug smiles as they strutted about.  “This is it!” many of them barked.

God cleared his throat and everyone waited, for what seemed to be an eternity, for His first words. 

“Hello,” He boomed. 

Many of you have referred to me by the name “God” or “Allah” or “The Force.”  I don’t really have any sort of body and thus I’ve never had any sort of sex organ.  Nonetheless, I’m presenting myself to you in the shape of an old man.  I thought this might make this presentation easier for many of you.

The preachers stopped strutting so much, and started to look perplexed.

“You’re probably wondering …

Share

Continue ReadingGod returns to set the record straight

Christians should be . . . well . . . Christian

The following is from Bill Moyer's interview with Rev. Joseph C. Hough on October 24th, 2003. Rev. Hough, is President of the Faculty and a Professor of Social Ethics at the Union Theological Seminary: HOUGH: . . . anybody who claims in the name of God they're gonna run over…

Continue ReadingChristians should be . . . well . . . Christian

New Civilian Casualty Theme Park lets you experience the thrills and spills of being a CIVILIAN WAR VICTIM!

I didn’t know that they had amusement parks like this, until I recently saw this advertisement . . .

ADVERTISEMENT

Americans are unfairly deprived of what it’s like to be a genuine civilian war victim.  Americans experience the effects of bombs and bullets from a distance, through antiseptic television reports and glitzy video games.  Our research has shown, however, that many of you want a much more up-close, detailed, exciting and visceral experience.  We also realize that Americans have a difficult time learning anything at all in the absent of a concurrent entertainment experience.

It is for this reason that we have built Civilian Casualty Theme Park to give you the Adventure and Experience of being a civilian war victim.  We offer you the thrill and exhilaration of BEING THERE while your own neighborhood is ripped apart by warfare. This is no ordinary theme park.  We give you up-close and personal real-life action where the bombs actually explode.  If you like haunted houses and slasher films, you’re going to love Civilian Casualty Theme Park!

 civilian casualty theme park drawing.jpg

We use state-of-the-art computer simulations and pharmacology combined with hundreds of highly trained actors and technicians to give you the gut-wrenching and mind-twisting experience of what it is like to be a civilian war victim.  For starters, our experts and technicians will construct a replica of your own neighborhood in anticipation of your scheduled visit. 

After allowing you to settle in at your own residence in your own personalized Hollywood-caliber “neighborhood,” your heart will start …

Share

Continue ReadingNew Civilian Casualty Theme Park lets you experience the thrills and spills of being a CIVILIAN WAR VICTIM!

Do animals have rights?

A few weeks back, one of my teachers asked the class to make a five-minute PowerPoint Presentation on any topic of our choice. I chose to address a question which has long intrigued several people around me, including my classmates: “Why am I vegan?”

I thought long and hard on how I should present my views on the subject. I finally decided that my presentation would consist of pictures of factory-farmed animals being ill-treated. The presentation was appreciated by everyone but, in reality, those pictures barely account for my being vegan. Make no mistake, the depravity of the manner in which animals are treated on farms does disturb me. But my convictions about vegetarianism are rooted in a larger moral framework, one which recognizes the rights of all forms of substantial intelligence, including animals.

I was recently discussing animals’ rights with my friend, who remarked, “Rights? They are just animals for god’s sake!”

His remark that they were just animals revealed a common attitude held towards animals. Many people see animals as no different from other resources which can be harnessed for human use. They do understand the concept of rights, but this word for them, applies only to humans. I wonder if these people have thought through the concept of human rights at all. Are these rights given to humans, simply because they possess the “form” of humans?

Today, most people have a decent understanding of human rights. We generally deem it to be important for all humans, irrespective …

Share

Continue ReadingDo animals have rights?

Start the happy music! It’s time for the end of the world!

Yes, these are giddy and unnerving times, but it’s also time to bring out popcorn and balloons.  It’s time to celebrate the end of the world!

You can hear it 24/7 on evangelical radio, (I’ve been listening to radio station KJSL, based in St. Louis).  Each passing month, the voices of those radio preachers are getting faster and higher-pitched. It’s all intensely festive, in a macabre sort of way.  All the signs are there, the preachers proclaim.  This is really “it.” 

Syndicated talk show host Paul McGuire is among the many radio preachers leading the cheers with their own gnashing teeth.  McGuire just wrote a book entitled ARE YOU READY?  WELCOME TO THE END OF THE WORLD.   What’s his new book about?  Check out McGuire’s website:

A NUCLEAR ATTACK ON AMERICA; THE COMING MEXICO, U.S. & CANADIAN MERGER; ISRAEL & THE PALESTINIAN STATE; GLOBAL GOVERNMENT; TERRORISM; HURRICANES, FREAK WEATHER & EPIDEMICS; PREDICTIONS OF THE ANCIENT HEBREW PROPHETS; SIGNS OF THE TIMES

Any time the radical Christ crowd gets this excited (excited enough to use the Caps Lock key so extensively), it’s worth checking out.  Just because they’ve been wrong about the end of the world so often before doesn’t mean that they aren’t on target this time. 

But there’s this other thing on my mind—why have those evangelicals gotten so enamored about protecting their very very very good friend, Israel?  It turns out that these two things—the end of the world and the existence of Israel–are connected.

Remember Pat …

Share

Continue ReadingStart the happy music! It’s time for the end of the world!