The Onion: U.S. Supreme Court rules opines that right is wrong

According to The Onion, The United States Supreme Court has ruled in the case of Right versus Wrong that right is wrong:

It is the opinion of this court that the Constitution was crafted in such a manner as to uphold and encourage practices that are not right and, ideally, are very wrong," Justice Antonin Scalia wrote for the majority, which also in­cluded Justices Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, Anthony Kennedy, and John Roberts. "Despite the compelling case for goodness, truth, and justice made by our predecessors in the case of Right v. Wrong, we firmly believe that malice, dishonesty, and injustice were the framers' original intent.

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Faux News Report: Fanatics against Ruminant Terrorism

I offer this report from Missouri-Faux News: Missouri residents outraged over recent deaths and injuries to Missouri motorists in collisions with deer have banded together to form Fanatics against Ruminant Terrorism (FART). Missouri FART Spokesman, former State Senator Chuck Purgason, had this to say: “Look, I know my only claim to fame is making fart noises during Governor Holden’s State of the State speech but, we have to stop these ruminant terrorists roaming Missouri from killing and maiming our citizens willy-nilly!” FART was started by Purgason and other concerned fanatics to put an end to vehicle and deer collisions in Missouri. There are thousands of collisions yearly between deer and motorists and Missouri, some resulting in deaths. Nationally, there were nearly 1.1 million collisions between deer and vehicles between July 10, 2010 and June 30, 2011.  See here and here. FART has put out a publication called FART News which details the dangers of ruminant terrorism in Missouri.

It’s mostly about sex” says FART spokesman Purgason. “In the latter parts of November, deer go into rut and forget about anything except getting laid and commit suicide by abandoning any caution in their pursuit of coitus.

FART News also details many accidents in Missouri that have resulted in death or other serious injuries involving collisions between deer and vehicles. FART also issues cautionary instructions for avoiding deer bent upon suicide attacks upon Missouri motorists. [More . . . ]

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