"Challenging long-held views on the origins of divinity, biologists at the University of California, Berkeley, presented findings Thursday that confirm God, the Almighty Creator of the Universe, evolved from an ancient chimpanzee deity. The recently discovered sacred ancestor, a divine chimp species scientists have named Pan sanctorum, reportedly gave rise over millions of years to the Lord Our God, Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Explosive headline concerning the alleged transubstantiation. Here's the title and opening sentence:
Vatican reeling as DNA tests show communion wafers contain 0% Christ The Vatican is this morning facing a further crisis after routine DNA tests revealed that the communion wafers used in Sunday mass contain 0% of the body and blood of Christ.
A group of leading historians held a press conference Monday at the National Geographic Society to announce they had "entirely fabricated" ancient Greece, a culture long thought to be the intellectual basis of Western civilization.
Here's the story by the Onion. Here's an excerpt:
LEXINGTON, MA—Describing himself as "terribly exhausted," famed linguist and political dissident Noam Chomsky said Monday that he was taking a break from combating the hegemony of the American imperialist machine to try and take it easy for once.I found this Onion story especially funny, given that I've been accused of not knowing how to lay back and just have fun. A couple years ago, a very close friend, a man who is like a brother to me, told me, "Erich, you need to have fun more often." It's weird to hear such things, because it always seems so normal inside of my own head. The way I think is what I enjoy doing. That's the context for why I enjoyed this Onion story so much.
I've seen this analysis of religion by George Carlin before, and find it well worth periodic re-watching: