The power of listening

A good friend of mine named Tom was an excellent parent - his son was a really cool kid. When I was about to adopt my first child I asked him what advice he had for raising children. He said, "Listen to them. Listen actively. Everything else will follow from that." After having raised two children, I find that to be excellent advice. Eric Barker has published a post on the power of listening. He calls it, "How To Be Loved By Everyone: 6 Powerful Secrets," which is not a good title, because I consider it self destructive to try to be loved by everyone. But I agree with the content of the post, which centers on improving relationships by active listening. Here are Barker's take-aways:

Be a detective. You need to be interested. The best way to do that is to play detective and be curious. How little can you say? Ask questions. Paraphrase to make sure you understand. Past that, just shut up. Can you summarize to their approval? If you paraphrase what they said and they reply, “Exactly” — you win. Don’t try to fix them. Be Socrates. Help them find their own solution. People remember their own ideas best. Monitor body language. Eye contact and open postures are good. Touch their elbow to help create a bond. Review the common mistakes we all make. And then don’t do them. Listen and people will listen back. In fact, they’ll do more than that. They will come to trust and love you.
He ends with this quote by David Augsburger: “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable."

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How to stay classy after a breakup

Good article by Seth Borkowski. Points to the frailty of all relationships.

However, watching “Annie Hall” after my relationship ended was unexpectedly different because I felt as if I had grown with Alvy. I felt comfortable with my understanding of the madness and the irresistibly addictive nature of relationships. With that understanding, I discovered the closure I had been searching for. Of course, it wasn’t entirely satisfying.

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Pushback against anti-GMO

From Slate, questions about the integrity of the anti-GMO food movement:

That’s the fundamental flaw in the anti-GMO movement. It only pretends to inform you. When you push past its dogmas and examine the evidence, you realize that the movement’s fixation on genetic engineering has been an enormous mistake. The principles it claims to stand for—environmental protection, public health, community agriculture—are better served by considering the facts of each case than by treating GMOs, categorically, as a proxy for all that’s wrong with the world. That’s the truth, in all its messy complexity. Too bad it won’t fit on a label.

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Alan Grayson’s new Declaration of Independence

I received this new Declaration of Independence in a mass emailing from Alan Grayson:

We need a new declaration of independence. FDR took a stab at this, with his "Four Freedoms." Freedom of speech. Freedom of worship. Freedom from want. Freedom from fear. That's a good start. But now, eight decades later, we need to declare our independence from other forms of oppression. We hereby declare our independence from bigotry, in all its evil forms. We declare our independence from racism, sexism, homophobia, language discrimination and chauvinism. Everyone has equal rights, no matter where you're from, what you look like, what language you speak, and whom you love. Everyone deserves respect. We hereby declare our independence from narrow-minded, extremist or violent religious fundamentalism. We live in a land where church and state are separate. Religious belief, no matter how sincere, is no license to dictate to others whether to terminate a pregnancy, whether to use contraception, or whom to marry. Earlier this year, I placed my hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution; I didn't place my hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible. We hereby declare our independence from the greedy. Malefactors of great wealth have no right to buy and sell elected officials thorough the legalized bribery of "independent expenditures." They have no right to despoil our land and our water, the air we breathe and the food we eat. They have no right to manipulate or gut our laws in order to increase their lucre. They have no right to jack up the price of what we buy, or determine what we see on TV or on our computer screens. We hereby declare our independence from "1984"-style surveillance. Neither the Government nor a private company has any reason to monitor the activities of innocent people, without their express, informed and freely given consent. Who I'm with, what I say, what I buy, what I read; that's none of anyone else's business. Privacy - the fundamental right to be left alone - is an essential part of what it means to be a human being. We hereby declare our independence from exploitation. Bad bosses are today's King George. They want to work employees as hard as they can, and pay them as little as possible in return. They call the difference profit. If workers are organized, they can fight back. But if not, then they need legal protection from exploitation. If you have a job, you should have a living wage, and time-and-a-half for overtime. If you have a job, you should have health coverage. If you have a job, you should have paid sick leave. If you have a job, you should have a pension. As John Mellencamp would say, "Ain't that America?" We hereby declare our independence from misinformation. Fox News is a lie factory. Special interests used to lie to us about the dangers of smoking; now they lie to us about the dangers of pollution and climate disruption. They claim a right to "free speech," but we have a right to honest speech. We have to be part of what a Reagan aide once dismissed as the "reality-based community." We hereby declare our independence from hubris. No, we can't bring peace through war. No, we can't force our way of life or our way of thinking on seven billion other people. No, we aren't going to end the 1200-year-old civil war between the Sunnis and the Shia. No, we aren't going to go and kill everyone everywhere in the world who harbors some harsh views of us. And no, they won't greet our soldiers with flowers, bake apple pies for them, and salute the American flag with a hand on their hearts. They want to be them, not us. We can care for victims, protect ourselves and help our friends without sticking our nose into every else's business. We hereby declare our independence from a rigged system of fake trade. We buy their stuff, creating tens of millions of jobs in other countries. But they don't buy an equal amount of our stuff. Instead, they buy our assets -- $11,000,000,000,000.00 of our assets. They not only rob us of our jobs, but they drive us deeper and deeper into debt. When did Uncle Sam become Uncle Sap? If we don't declare independence, the endgame is national bankruptcy. And me? I hereby declare my independence from the corrupt system of campaign finance. I will not carve up the law into little pieces, and sell it to the highest bidder. I will not make "friends" with lobbyists and special interests and the minions of multinational corporations, and then "help" those "friends." I will not forsake my real job - doing something good for the 700,000 people who chose me to be their Congressman - in favor of begging millionaires and billionaires for a few crumbs from their tables.

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