Coincidences and curmudgeons

This past week has been quite a ride for me. Lots of good things, magic things, have been happening to me, over a background of physical pain and worry. I'll explain with two examples, two of many. On Saturday, my 10-year-old daughter (“JuJu”) was walking about the house constantly singing a song that sounded familiar. She explained to me that it had recently become one of her favorite songs, “Vida la Vida” by Coldplay. It was enchanting to see her so excited about a particular piece of music (and it really is a terrific song). After saying good night to my two daughters in their room, I went outside to walk the dog around the block. It was now 10 pm. Once outside, however, I saw and heard three young men with guitars and a drum walking along my street singing “Vida la Vida.” I ran upstairs to get JuJu out of bed so she could hear her new favorite song being sung by these three strolling musicians. It was just one of those things. I had never before seen anyone walking in front of the house strumming a guitar and I’ve lived in this house for 25 years. The music, the clear night, the perfect weather. The moment seemed almost orchestrated. Because I am a skeptic, however, I don't personify the reason why such moments sometimes happen. I simply enjoy them. Today, I had another unusual moment. I need to provide context first, however. I've been struggling with the symptoms of a pinched cervical nerve root for about two years. It has caused several periods of terrible pain in my back. I've seen a massage therapist, an acupuncturist who was a chiropractor, a sports medicine doctor, two surgeons and three physical therapists. Until three weeks ago, it seemed as though the problem, or at least the pain, might simply fade tolerably into the background, letting me get on with my life. "Not so fast!" Fate must've thought.

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Varnum vs Brien: the abridged version of the Iowa Supreme Court Opinion upholding gay marriage

What follows is an abridged version of the Iowa Supreme Court Opinion upholding gay marriage: KATHERINE VARNUM vs. TIMOTHY J. BRIEN, Polk County Recorder. Decision date: April 3, 2009. Who would have thought that the next state to recognize gay rights was going to be Iowa? Right out here in the heartland, neighbor of Missouri, where I live? Many these states in the Midwest have taken pains to amend their laws to forbid gay marriage. I am highly impressed by the Court’s ruling and opinion in the case of Varnum vs. Brien, the Iowa Supreme Court Opinion upholding gay marriage (here’s the full text of the opinion). Here’s Des Moines Register’s brief description of the holding. It is an extraordinary opinion, extremely well-written and well-reasoned. It is extraordinary for both the legal analysis and for the emotional and social insights expressed by the court. This Court really gets what is at stake in this case, and did hide from any of the arguments asserted by the County. It’s amazing what happens when you carefully lay out all of the arguments for the world to see, and I do believe that the Court covered all of the arguments expressed by those who are opposed to gay marriage, even a big argument that the anti-gay-marriage forces didn’t have the courage to raise in the courts (religious objections). Because the Court took the time to carefully lay out all of those anti-gay-marriage arguments, we can all see how empty and paranoid they sound in the abstract. When we see the anti-gay-marriage arguments calmly on paper, without the angry faces and the megaphones, we see them as the specious arguments they truly are. Today, I took the time to read the entire 70-page opinion by the Iowa Supreme Court. It occurred to me, though, that many people (especially non-lawyers) might not want to work their way through the entire opinion. Therefore, I have created this “abridged” version, preserving the significant points, but redacting the citations and technical points. This actual words of the Court’s opinion are truly worth your while. Don’t settle for the simplified news media stories on this decision. This court’s opinion is professional and inspirational. In it’s thoroughness and directness regarding a tumultuous subject, it reminds me of the Pennsylvania decision of Tammy Kitzmiller, et al. v. Dover Area School District, et al., (full decision of the Dover decision here). In this legal decision, the Iowa Supreme Court takes the long view of history, as you can see at page 16, where the Court points out that it prohibited slavery more than 15 years before the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the rights of slave-owners in the Dred Scott case. This discussion is on the mark, given that any legislation curtailing the rights of gays is based on bigotry. The Court has a long analysis ready for those who would argue that homosexuality is a choice, starting around page 41 in the “immutability” section. The also Court slams the concept of "civil union" as a second rate version of marriage (for example, see page 9). What was at stake in this case was Iowa Code section 595.2(1), which ostensibly provides:

“[o]nly a marriage between a male and a female is valid.”

The Court considered a mountain of evidence and reviewed dozens of amicus briefs (briefs from interested individuals and organizations who are not direct parties) before rendering its opinion.

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Should we slap warning stickers on our friends to avoid picking up their bad habits?

It seems to me that people who are obese seem to spend lots of time around with other people who are obese. Smokers tend to pal around with other smokers. This raises an important question: Do friends cause each other to pick up bad habits? Not that I’m claiming it to be intentional, but do people pass bad habits to their friends through some form of social osmosis? Allow me to begin with a story that embarrasses me. When I was 18, I met a guy named “Ray” who was smart, funny and an accomplished athlete. Ray also had a noticeable tic . He sporadically jerked his head whenever he talked with others—he did this several times per minute. I spent some time with Ray while visiting my then-girlfriend at college back in the 70's. After a few days up at her college, I noticed that I was starting to exhibit the same tic. I can assure you that I didn’t do this intentionally. When I noticed the problem I consciously forced myself to stop doing it, lest it became an ingrained habit. Did Ray’s bad habit cause me to pick up my new bad habit? Based on the timing, there’s not much doubt in my mind. Similarly, I’ve noticed that when I like someone and I’ve spent considerable time with them, I sometimes start talking like them, picking up their dialect, their expressions, their gestures and their vocabulary; the clues are usually subtle but often undeniable. I’ve caught myself doing this dozens of times over my life.

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Labels, Living, Categories, Culture

Here is a link to an excellent essay by two of my best friends.  It talks about how labeling plays out in both art and real life and how labels are both irrelevant and destructive. I attended that workshop they refer to, Clarion, and that's where I met them.  That…

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