OK Cardinals fans. Now that we’ve won our 11th World Series and Tony La Russa has retired, it’s time to look after the future of America. I know we’re concerned about whether losing Albert will sink us in the NL Central Division as well as Matheny as the new manager and all the other player issues. Some issues are just for us as Cardinal Nation. Cardinal Nation has a call to duty for the rest of America which needs to be done first. I mean, we aren’t the best baseball town in America for nothing, eh?
We’ve had our tussles with proposed constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage and to keep the words “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance. Before the GOP brings up another proposed constitutional ban of flag burning or to punish children born to illegal aliens and foreign visitors, I say it’s time to for Cardinal Nation and the rest of America us take up the fight against the greatest threat to American values which MUST be stopped—we have to pass a US Constitutional amendment to ban foreign teams from winning baseball’s World Series.
People, we invented the game, it’s ours and we call it “America’s pastime” for good reason. Baseball is an American game and nothing has upset our country’s freedom and system of values more than the perfidy of allowing a CANADIAN team to win the World Series. And what the heck is that round stuff Canadians call “bacon” anyway? Bacon comes in strips, darn it!
Since the abomination of a foreign team winning the World Series, we have had several major foreign conflicts involving senseless deaths of US soldiers, a major oil crisis, corporate scandals where investors have lost trillions, multiple attacks against US citizens and property on US soil by foreign terrorists, massive unemployment, jobs moving overseas to foreign countries (and that’s a “good thing”), domestic terrorism by vigilantes which profess to “protect life and our values” and use dynamite to kill innocents and don’t get the death penalty from a professed law and order conservative administration, and US citizens have been imprisoned for years without charges or seeing an attorney, our phones and e-mails are tapped 24/7 and a world economic meltdown bigger than any before the next one caused by our friends at Goldman Sachs.
The assault upon our American system of values MUST be stopped and the only way to do it is to incorporate a ban on foreign teams winning the World Series into the US Constitution. The continued threat of foreign teams winning the World Series cannot be overestimated. CIA sources have indicated that satellite and UAV intelligence has uncovered scenes of baseball being played in remote parts of Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea.
The threat to us is real; before Obama got Osama bin Laden, al-Qaeda and the Taliban were believed to be training religious extremists to play baseball so as to have an entry into the major leagues and threaten us with the continued tragedy of foreign exploitation of baseball by taking the World Series Championship out of the US, AGAIN.
It is suspected that the al-Qaeda entry fees would be paid from drug profits from the $7 billion annual illicit Afghan heroin trade which the US has ignored since the Bush administration invaded Afghanistan in October of 2001.
The North Koreans are suspected of having stolen genetic material from the South for experiments with gene therapies and radiation with the goal of making the perfect baseball player so as to dominate the game and win the World Series.
North Korea is expected to pay the entry fees into baseball from its billions of counterfeit US currency minted there every year. It is rumored that eerie photographs of glowing North Korean baseball players on unlit fields at night have been leaked to William Kristol for possible release when the GOP needs an electoral boost in November 2012. Conservatives could claim Democrats are “soft” on baseball terrorists.
The axis of evil must be stopped and the only way to stop them is an amendment to the US Constitution banning foreign teams from winning the World Series.
The amendment would allow the foreign teams to play in the World Series but, they can’t win. The Commissioner of Baseball, former GW Bush recess appointed UN Ambassador John Bolton, would have a ceremony awarding a participant’s trophy to the foreign team and the real trophy would be awarded to the US based team regardless of the results of the still best of seven series. Some say that the US teams wouldn’t care about whom actually won the World Series but we have PRIDE on our side, and we’re AMERICANS!
It is only by protecting the firm basis of our core American values by amending the US Constitution to ban foreign teams from winning the World Series that we may hope to remain the “City on the Hill,” shining brightly for all to see.
It is only by amending the US Constitution to ban foreign teams from winning the World Series that we can save America from continued assaults by terrorists and their ilk which hate us “because we are free.”
It is only by amending the US Constitution to ban foreign teams from winning the World Series that we can keep America safe and free for ourselves and our posterity.
To those which would oppose an amendment to the US Constitution to ban foreign teams from winning the World Series- I say that you give aid and comfort to the enemies of America.
Thank you, and good night.
