Sources close to God reported Thursday that the Creator of the Universe and Author of Our Eternal Salvation suffered a crippling bout of existential dread this week, lying awake all night as He pondered His own immortality.
Anxiously drumming His fingers, the all-powerful being was reportedly unable to sleep as His mind raced with thoughts of the unfathomable nature of eternity, the relentless expansion of space and time, and His own never-ending existence.
