The Onion has published a letter from a Christian who wants to set the record straight: “It’s not like I’m one of those wacko ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ types.”  It’s classic Onion satire aimed squarely at the kind of Christian who has dominated the news for the past eight years:

My faith in the Lord is about the pure, simple values: raising children right, saying grace at the table, strictly forbidding those who are Methodists or Presbyterians from receiving communion because their beliefs are heresies, and curing homosexuals. That’s all. Just the core beliefs. You won’t see me going on some frothy-mouthed tirade about being a comfort to the downtrodden.