In his article in The Atlantic, Jonathan Rauch really hit the nail on the head with his description of introversion :
Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice? If so, do you tell this person he is “too serious,” or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?
If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands—and that you aren’t caring for him properly.
It’s embarrassing to be one of the last to know. I’m 51 and I’ve always prided myself at taking the time to learn about the inner workings of human cognition. My own way of processing information should not have so easily slipped under my own radar. Further, over the years, hundreds of people have plainly told me that my way of thinking is “different” Without really understanding why, I’ve developed dozens of ready-to-roll reasons for declining social gatherings, especially where I suspect that chit-chat (gossip, television & movies, sports) will prevail. When I can’t get out of such gatherings, I commonly feel the anxiety building. I’ve never tolerated gatherings of people (especially large gatherings) as well as most others. I do need people, though, and I seek them out, but only in measured doses.
I’ve known and used the term “introvert” for many years, but I’m only now beginning to understand the full consequences of being an introvert. Until recently, I merely understood that I am not as comfortable spending time with people. I didn’t realize (as Rauch details in his article), that introverts can pay a huge price, psychologically and physiologically, if they socialize beyond their limit. The effects of their introversion also go far beyond socializing.
Recently, I’ve taken a few tests to see whether I’m introverted (see below). It turns out that I’m off-the-charts introverted. Hence, my compelling interest in this topic.
I’ve recently read some other materials on “Introversion.” It’s been incredible to learn that experts on introversion, people who have never met me, understand me so well. It feels like decades of my frustration have been explained. Then again, “explanation” is a loaded word. Despite my recent foray into some serious literature on introversion, I don’t really know why I’m an introvert. Instead, I’ve merely come to realize that many other people (apparently 25% of the population) respond to gatherings of people much like I do. Though I don’t really know why I am the way I am, I know that this “thing” is a commonly-encountered constellation of traits, emotions and impulses. I now realize that what I have is one of the many forms of normalcy.
Howard Gardner touched on this issue of introversion when he included inter-personal intelligence as one of his multiple intelligences. Extroversion does, indeed, seem to be a specialized set of skills that qualifies as a distinct form of intelligence. People who excel at math don’t necessarily have proficient social skills and vice-versa.
Marti Laney, a self-described introvert, dug deeply into this topic of introversion, resulting in her 2002 book, The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World.
Although Laney’s advice is sometimes a bit too predictable, her descriptions of introversion are insightful and detailed. She notes that many introverts struggle when they judge themselves to the numerous extroverts in their homes, schools and workplaces. They end up criticizing themselves for their own introverted qualities. When they take the time to learn about introversion, they end up relieved to hear that their brains are merely different (not inferior) to those of the extroverts and that their way of thinking even offers some advantages over the techniques usually used by extroverts. They also learned that their introversion will affect numerous areas of their life. They learn that their introversion might well be the cause for the common experience of feeling “drained and over-stimulated.”
Here is Laney’s description of introverts:
The strongest distinguishing characteristic of introverts is their energy source: introverts draw energy from the internal world of ideas, emotions and impressions. They are energy conservers. They can be easily over-stimulated by the external world, experiencing the uncomfortable feeling of “too much.” This can feel like antsyness or torpor. In either case, they need to limit their social experiences so they don’t get drained. However, introverts need to balance their alone time with outside time, or they can lose other perspectives and connections. Introverted people who balance their energy and have perseverance and the ability to think independently, focus deeply, and work creatively.
(p. 19). Laney makes it clear that introverts are “energized by the internal world–by ideas, impressions and emotions.” She warns, however, that introverts are not necessarily quiet:
their focus is inside their heads. They need a quiet, reflective place where they can think things through and recharge themselves. . .. introverts enjoy complexity when they can focus on one or two areas, without pressure. But if they have too many projects, they easily feel overwhelmed.
Just being around people can be overstimulating to introverts. Their energy is drained in crowds, classes, or any noisy or invasive environment. They may like people very much, but after talking to anyone, they usually begin to feel the need to move away, take a break, and get some air. This is the reason for their mind/vapor-lock experience. . . . When overstimulated, the introvert’s mind can shut down, saying, “no more input, please.” It goes dark.
Introverts like depth and will limit their experiences but feel each of them deeply. Often, they have fewer friends but more intimacy. They like to delve deeply into topics and look for “richness” more than “muchness.” This is why it’s necessary to limit their topics to one or two, or they can become overwhelmed. Their mind absorbs information from the outside environment and then reflects on it and expands it. And long after they have taken in the information, they are still munching and crunching it–a little like cows chewing their cud.
Extroverts think and talk all at one time. It is effortless to them. In fact, things become clearer as they speak out loud. Introverts, on the other hand, need time to think and don’t speak with spontaneity unless it’s a familiar subject. Introverts can appear cautious or passive to extroverts.
Introverts, Jung wrote, conserve their energy, have fewer children, have more ways of protecting themselves, and live longer. Because they appreciate a simpler life, make intimate attachments, and plan and reflect on new ways of doing things, they encourage others to be prudent, develop self-reflection, and think before acting.
Laney recognizes that introverts are often confused, that they sometimes enjoy socializing and noisy and overcrowded groups, while at other times, they are overwhelmed and depleted. This is not unusual, in her research. Introverts can do quite well in social situations, at least for relatively shorter intervals than extroverts, as long as they have a chance to get away from people to recharge and rest. Starting on page 163 of her book, Laney offers numerous suggestions for getting out of social occasions or limiting one’s participation in such gatherings.
Laney strongly encourages introverts to come clean with their extrovert friends and co-workers. This will avoid misunderstandings and facilitate working relationships, in her view.
Laney isn’t the only person riding on this topic, of course. Nor does she speak for everyone else who writes about those people like me who get overwhelmed in social situations. Elaine Aron would prefer to characterize introverts as a common type of a person who is highly sensitive. A Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) “has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.”
On her website, Aron offers a test for determining whether you’re a highly sensitive person. Here are some of the characteristic behaviors of highly sensitive people:
Are you easily overwhelmed by such things as bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens nearby?
Do you get rattled when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time?
Do you make a point of avoiding violent movies and TV shows?
Do you need to withdraw during busy days, into bed or a darkened room or some other place where you can have privacy and relief from the situation?
Do you make it a high priority to arrange your life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations?
Do you notice or enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art?
Do you have a rich and complex inner life?
When you were a child, did your parents or teachers see you as sensitive or shy?
According to Aron, not all highly sensitive people are introverts. But then again, Aron and Laney have much overlap in the people they are attempting to assist and the type of advice they are offering:
[I]n the past HSPs have been called “shy,” “timid,” “inhibited,” or “introverted,” but these labels completely miss the nature of the trait. Thirty percent of HSPs are actually extraverts. HSPs only appear inhibited because they are so aware of all the possibilities in a situation. They pause before acting, reflecting on their past experiences. If these were mostly bad experiences, then yes, they will be truly shy. But in a culture that prefers confident, “bold” extraverts, it is harmful as well as mistaken to stigmatize all HSPs as shy when many are not.
I have a long way to go in reviewing this literature of people that remind me of myself. Stumbling upon this topic has been a real eye-opener for me. I am sharing it now, in this form (not thoroughly chewed like cud), with the hope that there are others like me out there who could use a little reassurance and encouragement regarding the way your mind works. It’s that “thing” that makes your life, in equal parts, more frustrating and enriching.
It seems that introverts have found solace in blogging? I am an introvert. It's not that I am bad at social situations, I actually end up doing fine and people tend to like me, but for some reason I look for any excuse to avoid them (socials). Thanks for the article. By the way, you don't *write* like an introvert, if that is any consolation.
Don't you know, introversion is a CHOICE — you're not born that way!
Edgar
That may be true, but it is utterly useless. Introversion is a developmental issue that might as well be an innate attribute since "breaking it" is so incredibly difficult. To the introvert, it is like an invisible barrier that suffocates you at all the wrong times, impedes you in any desire to be otherwise without giving you a clear target to aim any kind of effort. It is the deepest form of psychological patterning that begins early and grows with time into a defining trait.
I suffer from what I term Terminal Shyness. It took years to develop tactics for getting around it. It is born of the notion, planted early on, that everyone around you judges you and the moment you open you mouth they will think badly of you. It is utterly irrational and nigh unto impossible to be rid of. With practice and enough positive reinforcement you can reduce it to a manageable level, to where it isn't crippling, but even today it springs up on me without warning at the damnednest times and I stand mute before people who I would really like to have interaction with.
But I see now that your tongue is in your cheek and you're drawing a clever parallel to something else…I've taken you too seriously….
I suffer from what I have always termed Terminal Shy
Excellent subject! I have long known I was an introvert, based on the Myers-Briggs personality test as well as the book, Please Understand Me. Still, I feel inferior to my extroverted family and friends. It's nice to see a blog on this subject.
Yeah, it's really useful to know the term for it, isn't it? I remember one time when I was at a gathering, disappeared for a while, and only had the courage to come back because I knew I could say "Sorry — I had an introvert moment there and had to go away and hide. I'm better now."
Jason,
Yes, tongue very firmly planted in cheek!
I am the quintessential introvert.
I've heard the internet described as a tool designed "by autistics, for autistics". But from the look of it, you could easily replace the word autistic with "introvert"! I definitely consider myself an introvert, as well.
I particularly hate the way that a very extroverted world tends to label all introverts as shy, awkward, or lacking self esteem. Many introverts have plenty of confidence, and have no problem speaking to others, leading a group, or putting together a presentation. Introverts just lack that very extroverted tendency to verbalize everything that comes to mind.
In groups, an introvert tends to fall close to silent, listening and digesting the conversation at hand rather than constantly chipping in. Countless times I've had someone turn to me in a group and ask, "Why aren't you saying anything?" or "There's no need to be shy". Yet like many introverts, I don't feel like I've held anything back. Introverts don't typically have a fear of speaking to others, they just don't always see the point.
I have to admit that I don't understand how an extravert's thinking works at times. Extraverts seem to spout every last feeling, every fleeting impression or emotion that comes into their heads. Does this confuse anyone else? It never fails to throw me for a loop when someone utters something totally trivial and doesn't intend any conversation to come from it. Anytime an extrovert utters something like, "I'm tired" or "What am I going to get for lunch?" out of the blue I don't know whether to respond or to treat it like simple thinking-out-loud.
Welcome to the club, Erich. I became familiar with the sources you cited several years ago. I'm an introvert and totally cool with it, although others have often found me a dud at parties. Oh, well. Better to be self-motivated than to be running under the engines of others.
I am an intovert. I only get along with a few people. Within the past 20 some odd years I have been trying to expand my circle of influence and it grows and shrinks as time goes by. It is not easy, yet in a way interesting. Life is an adventure.
Erich,
With all these introverts clamoring to be heard, I wanted to try to get in a word edgewise to comment that I am an extrovert.
Thank you,
Name Withheld Upon Request
Has anyone ever read "The Tipping Point" by Malcom Gladwell?
He makes an interesting statement in this book:
I think I tend to be more introvert than extrovert, but it does not define the whole me and it's also not how people sometimes see me. I wonder how many of those who said they were introverts would get the same opinion from their friends and family?
I am on the introverted side of things, but part of that can be construed as arrogance. I find chit-chit and gossip frivolous and demeaning.
One of my oldest friends is an extrovert from an extroverted family. We get along because I have learned to grunt appreciatively.
I aim to make my conversations useful to me or to my partner, or both. Extroverts are more interested in making noise than in listening.
It is very clear in any public area who are the pathological extroverts. They wear their cellphone bluetooth earpieces and seem to always have something to say, even if they are ignoring their companions.
There are a lot of social situations where introverts are out of place, not just because we are uncomfortable, but because we make extroverts uncomfortable.
Wow, not alone here! Often I get the "you aren't assertive" line. I'm assertive enough just quiet about it. I work in an office of extroverts and its a tough gig. Meaningful conversations are shot to hell. I'm going to be a bit more quiet. Love to be social but don't treat work as a social outlet. I'm there to work, not make new best friends.
Yes, I analyze everything. Love my quiet existence!
I don't understand extroverts. They talk a lot but they do not listen to each other. Their speech is formulaic. Any variation on the formula is a faux pas.
Scientific literature is formulaic too – but the purpose of this is to enable the medium to become transparent to the message. I cannot discern any message in the vocalisations of extraverts. It's just yap yap yap.
It is comforting to see that there are other people who feel like I do.
You really get abuse if you commit the crime of listening instead of yapping.
This is one of the best articles, and postings, I've ever encountered regarding "interovertism."
I have always felt that way, before I discovered a term for it. One who spends more mental effort at think within their own brain, rather than expressing outwardly every thought, is a good definition. Introverts are not necessarily shy, especially if they feel that they know what they're talking about.
Tending to think before you speak is not necessarily a bad quality to have. Extremely extroverted people can be very abrasive, especially to us. Their are many differrent personality traits that contribute to this label, but most of them are not "invented" by introverted people. Labels are labels, they are defined by others, not by one's self.
For example, I'd rather have 3 friends that I can count on no matter what, than 100 whom I can't count on at all. Statistically, I might have the same odds; maybe 3 out of those 100 would come to my aid. However, the afformentioned idea of "simplicity" helps us introverts, as we may tend to devote more of our mental energy towards thoughts and ideas, rather than mere social interaction.
Personally, I don't believe that there is a definitive line between intro/extrovert. It is simply a "Shades of Grey" scale of personality traits, oversimplified and defined by us so that we can hope to understand the human mind.
Diagnoses like "autistic" are completely irrelevant. Of course a person whom is autistic would qualify as introverted, just as one whom is intoxicated by alcohol would qualify as "Extroverted."
Maybe Introverts use the inhibitory portion of the brain more, or it is more developed?
I personally find that alcohol can turn me from a complete introvert to 'the life of the party.' It has had detrimental effects. Any thoughts on this?
Love it, love it love it. Thank you for reminding me that I see a shrink to help me navigate within a seemingly extroverted society with my introversion, not to "correct" or "cure" it. Out and proud (but oh so quiet about it) since about the age of 16.
Jonathan Rauch's article caused a huge swell of interest among those on the Internet. So much so that he agreed to this follow-up interview: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200602u/introverts . Here's my favorite quote: "They should sell skybox seats at parties for people like us."
I am definitely a introvert & I've always been surrounded by extroverts it seems wherever I go almost. Sometimes people do misunderstand me or assume I'm a certain way because of my introverted-ness ( i like to invent my own words too). But anyways I found this article quite interesting I will look into this more. Thanks
Thanks for the article on introversion. I am glad to see it and the comparison to HSP's also. I am an INFP as well as HSP and I can feel the difference in these sides to me so it's good to note that INFP does not necessarily mean HSP. I am currently doing a poll on personality types and HSPness…on Stumble. Though there is an increasing correlation of INFPness to HSPness…as the study is noting.
Here's more information on HSP…I have been researching HSPness since reading Aron's book a couple of years ago. I am making connections as I type this. 🙂
Samsara: Thanks for writing. I must admit, however, that I have trouble with all of that parapsychological stuff on your HSP link. I'm highly suspicious of anything that has repeatedly failed double-blind studies.
Given research done and "treatment" received, I appear to be an INTP, borderline aspy, and diagnosed bipolar2.
I find contact with neurotypicals unhygenic — let them blab, congregate, pray, wave flags, and glory in family values.
It's "their" world I've had to inhabit, to adapt myself to. A world which alters with glacial slowness and often repeats itself — while processes as superficial as scientific and technological change make them giddy.
bipolar2
Thank God I found my home! I, too have read Jonathan Rauch's article as well as the "Introvert Advantage". I have a copy of Rauch's article in my journal and I yank it out when I am feeling especially self-conscious about my "introverted-ness". There is nothing worse than to go through life feeling that you are entire alone…and WEIRD. My epiphany occurred when I read the article in The Atlantic and I almost cried because for once in my life I felt validated, and God forbid…NORMAL. Actually not normal, but SPECIAL (in a good way). I full-heartedly believe that we make up a large portion of the gifted population and are some of the most creative people in this society. I work with a bunch of mindless extroverts that think if you're not in a crowd of 30 people doing a keg-stand you are obviously a social reject and should see a shrink. It always makes me laugh when people read my emails or writing and say to me, "You wrote this? Really?" Just because we don't say much, doesn't me we don't have anything to say. I think it is endearing to feel strongly about subjects you care about, to be well-read, to think before speaking…
INTROVERTS UNITE!!!!!!!!!
There should be an introvert convention. But then again, none of us would show up…hee hee.
Introvert conventions exist: Sci-Fi cons, Comic-cons, etc. You find an introvert majority wherever geeks gather.
Some of the selfproclaimed introverts here sound as if they were harboring resentments towards extroverts because those have a more developed talent to bond with other people and they feel left out. They seem to have this they're-too-sour-for-me-anyway-attitude. An introvert with better social skills wouldn't care that much what extroverts think about him/her. Human beings are social animals and more often than not they act like sheep in a flock, that's how it is. If someone thinks he does not belong to a social group because he is an introvert most of the time it's more because his social competence is too low to get into the group. If you can choose whether you want to belong or not, it's makes a big difference how you view others.
Erich, I'm so glad I stumbled upon your blog this evening. I needed some quiet time alone in my room and decided to just surf a bit. (Equally introverted hubby and I went out to dinner and both needed to "decompress" for a while!) I have been "out of the closet" for many years now, and feel absolutely blessed to be an introvert. I can be extroverted for a short time, and really enjoy myself with others, but then I need lots of time alone….or a nice quiet nap!! I love to hear other introverts stories of staying sane in this extroverted world. (I LOVE the skybox quote!!) I will continue to check back and see what else you have found.
Stormily, I will come to the convention, but when you can't find me I will be in my room reading the copy of The Introvert Advantage that I just ordered this evening! ;^)