It’s way past time for this mass protest. Let’s set the scene at a large prominent public space such as the Washington, DC Mall. Let’s gather five million white-collar workers and professionals and invite them to throw their neckties into a huge bonfire to demonstrate that they’re not willing to take it anymore. And why should they? Who was it who decided that men should have to walk around wearing nooses around their necks?
I found a few articles about neckties here [1] and here [2]. Actually, these articles establish that wearing neckties can be dangerous to your health. Ties can increase the risk of entanglement of those working around machines. They can increase the risk of vascular constriction–in fact, paramedics quickly remove neckties from people who are unconscious to make sure that the necktie is not the cause of the problem. It has also been found that doctors and dentists who wear ties are more likely to spread germs among their patients.
When I was still in high school, I knew that I would never take a job that required me to wear a tie. Then again, I violated my own rule and I became a lawyer. I often wear a tie. It would be foolish to walk into most courtrooms not wear a tie. The lack of a tie would be noticed by everyone in the courtroom and, I’m sure, many judges would disparage this “informal” attire, regardless of what you wore. Failing to wear a tie is not something you want to do if you are trying to make a good impression on the judge in order to help your client. Back at my law office, ties are often disparaged my coworkers, but that is probably rare among big-city law firms.
Would we all be better off not wearing neckties? Without a doubt. That is the opinion of Cecil Adams, of The Straight Dope. [3] “So far as I can determine, the only thing the tie does at present, apart from enforcing corporate discipline, is to hide your shirt buttons. Such a hassle. No doubt we’d all be better off if we could just get naked and frolic with the animals.” It is important to note that the male white collar workers in many countries (e.g., Iran) do not wear neck ties. Nor did anyone wear a tie more than a few hundred years ago. Cesar did not wear a tie. If you can believe the millions of paintings and stautes, Jesus didn’t wear a tie. Thailand is not a place where everyone has to wear a tie.
I once worked with an obese fellow who was a slob, but who always wore a tie. Unfortunately, the tie was always stained and crumpled. I went to lunch with him one day and saw how it all happened. As he sat down to table, the first thing he did was to unbutton his shirt so that he could tuck in his tie. That way, only the top inch of his tie was exposed (the one-inch immediately beneath and knot), the rest of it being safely tucked under his shirt. This fellow had quite a knack, however. Because his belly was so large, his shirt was almost horizontal with the floor for the first few inches beneath his neck. As I watched him eat that day, he dropped a glob of sauce on the tiny section of his tie that was exposed. Bull’s-eye!
Like most good ideas, giving up neckties is an obvious move. Like most good ideas, however, the real problem is deciding who goes first, not deciding whether it’s the correct thing to do. How do we get this movement started? That is why we would need to have a mass demonstration to get rid of the world’s neckties, altogether, at one gigantic public showing.
From that moment on, it would be okay to not wear a necktie. Or maybe not, because, as we all know, too many people in positions of power in this country wear neckties themselves and they insist that their subordinates continue to wear neckties too. Obviously, there are some exceptions to this rule. Trendy young corporations often dispense with the need for neckties. Good for them! Even stodgy businesses sometimes offer casual days on which employees need not wear a necktie. But woe unto most people who are asked to show up at an important social function sponsored by the corporate powers-that-be without a necktie.
Why is the necktie so important in some circles? Wikipedia suggests that a necktie is often a sign of membership of a group. [1] True enough. I am sure that this is many times the case. The next obvious question to ask, however, is why some groups insist that their members wear ties. I’ve thought about this at some length, and I think it’s the same reason that many women wear uncomfortable–and sometimes dangerous–clothes such as high heeled shoes. Like high heeled shoes, neckties are evolutionarily expensive. Those who wear these uncomfortable and dangerous clothes would seem to decrease their chances of survival. Dan Klarmann reminded me of this decrease in survival value here [4]:
Men wear ties, a noose that any attacker can quickly and effectively use. The higher the rank of the man, the better the noose and more effective the knot.
On the other hand, wearing a necktie could enhance one’s connection with certain social groups, possibly offsetting that decreased likelihood of survival. Another possibility is that an individual wearing a tie on his own (not with the aim of seeking membership in a social group) is making a powerful display to potential mates. If his tie is both expensive and clean, he is calling out to potential mates that he has the means to purchase his tie and to keep it clean, as well as displaying that he has good enough health that restricting the blood flow to his brain is something he is willing and able to risk. Therefore, neckties really do have much in common with high-heeled shoes. [4] They are not pragmatic. In fact, they are anti-pragmatic. They appear to be a stupid investment until one considers that neckties are quite often keys that open social locks.
In conclusion, I’m afraid that the title to this post was tongue-in-cheek. As long as the well-entrenched tie-wearing people who hold the most power in society are issuing the paychecks to the rest of us, all too many of us will continue to dress like them. Which is why I probably sensed, even back in high school, that I didn’t want to wear a necktie. I didn’t completely make it into No Tie Land, at least not yet. In the meantime, let me know if anyone actually arranges a Tie Burning Day . . .
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