On one of the local Christian radio shows (KJSL – St. Louis) one of the callers was upset last week. He really liked sex, he explained to Paul McGuire (the show host). The caller liked sex so much that the thought of going to heaven concerned him.
The caller asked the sage host whether it was true that there was no sex “up there.” McGuire carefully explained his answer by reference to the Bible: “there is no sex in heaven, but we won’t miss it. What IS in heaven is MUCH BETTER than sex.”
The caller asked whether it was like an orgasm? “It’s better than an orgasm,” explained McGuire. “It’s Like an eternally growing orgasm. It’s so much better than sex that you’d laugh if anyone in heaven ever asked you whether you missed sex. It’s like asking a grown man whether he misses riding a tricycle.”
The caller was not convinced. “I don’t get it. Why not have both sex AND that other thing that you claim is better than sex.” Why be forced to go anywhere without good sex? “After all,” he told McGuire, “even the Islamic people believe they will have lots of sex with many virgins.”
McGuire’s response was short and to the point: “The Islamic faith is a falsehood. They are misleading themselves. There is only one true faith: the faith of our lord Jesus Christ.”
With answers like this, no wonder there are so many wars breaking out between religious groups.
Or was this extended radio conversation perhaps a coded way for these two Christian Believers to say “We don’t really know about death because we’ve never actually been dead yet”?
I suppose that the caller could still ask his family to pack some condoms in his coffin just in case. Then again, is there a need for birth control in heaven? Even if sex is against the rules in heaven, if a woman violated the rules, could she get pregnant? McGuire didn’t say. Is a child who is born in heaven “naturalized” (entitled to stay)? This eternal orgasm stuff sounds suspiciously like the effects of some street drugs (which conservatives rail against). Why the different attitude toward pleasure up there?
Do they have chocolate in heaven? Dogs? Guitars? Freecell? What about kissing or hugging? So many questions . . .
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