Donald Trump, meet Biology. I don’t believe you’ve ever met anyone quite like Biology before.

Biology doesn’t care about your threats or your bombast. Your lawyers can’t sue Biology out of existence. You can’t sway Biology by dangling your hush money. You can’t grab Biology by the pussy. Biology doesn’t care if you pound the podium and yell at it. Biology doesn’t care if you accuse it of being stupid. Biology doesn’t care that you are Commander in Chief. Your bombs and missiles mean nothing to Biology. Temporarily propping up the stock market with funny money means nothing to Biology. Biology didn’t care when you blame Coronavirus on Chinese people. Biology doesn’t care about your fantasies that national borders are somehow relevant to Coronavirus. Biology doesn’t care about fake news. Biology doesn’t care that you think you are smarter than career scientists and health care professionals. Biology doesn’t care when you assure the nation that you have an amazing brain trust consisting of people like Mike, Jared and Ivanka.

It appears that you’ve shown up to a gunfight with a pocketknife.

You can stand up to your podium and deny how Biology operates, but Biology will eventually have its own day at its own podium and Biology won’t respond using cheap words. Biology will speak in terms of hundreds of thousands of dead bodies. Biology will speak in terms of thousands of people who could have been saved had you taken this situation seriously earlier, when you had the opportunity to act. If thousands of people needlessly die, this should upset Americans, because we get upset even if one airplane crashes, killing 200. Instead of sounding the alarm to protect thousands of people, however, you denied facts and wasted time. Here’s a sampling of your pronouncements:

Jan. 22: “We have it totally under control.” Feb. 2: “Well, we pretty much shut it down coming in from China.” Feb. 10: “By April, you know, in theory, when it gets a little warmer, it miraculously goes away.” Feb. 24: “The Coronavirus very much under control in the USA. … Stock Market starting to look very good to me!” Feb. 26: “The risk to the American people remains very low.” At the same time, The Post reported, “Trump’s advisers struggled to get him to take the virus seriously,” despite telling him that “the virus was likely to dominate life in the United States for many months.”

Instead of immediately putting resources where they were needed, testing and ventilators, you told the nation that everything was fine. Everything was OK. And then you told Americans that they should pack the churches on Easter because (you have claimed) that day is somehow important to you. Perhaps you chose this date to pack churches because you and your evangelical friends are planning to roll out a faith-healing cure to the Coronavirus.

You won’t need to spend the upcoming days figuring out how to argue that this mess is not your fault, because you are already really good at deflecting blame. You are always well prepared to tell the world how smart you are and how other people are idiots. Spewing self-enhancing lies is clearly your main priority.

I admit that it’s possible that the Coronavirus might simply melt away with the spring warmth and that it might not kill a million Americans. This is possible, even though it looks highly unlikely given the deaths in Italy, Iran and Spain. Rather than argue about those numbers now, let’s check back in two months to see how things turned out for you and Biology. Truly, let’s check back in a couple months and then we’ll see how your amazingly brilliant plan is working.

If things don’t turn out well, you can always embrace that idea often attributed to Joseph Stalin: “A Single Death is a Tragedy; a Million Deaths is a Statistic.” And maybe you can stir in some social darwinism, drawing from your campaign attack on John McCain. To paraphrase: “I like people who don’t die of Coronavirus.”