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Tag: "children"

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By Erich Vieth on October 01st, 2009

Abandoning one’s adoptive child

What am I supposed to think when a woman steps forward to publicize her decision to give up an adopted child that she had raised for 18 months?

This story leaves me bewildered. I don’t think the story tells me enough to allow me to know what to think. I keep wondering, “What if it had been her biological child? What would I think then? Would I have an opinion in that case, or would I be in this same puzzled/confused state that I’m now experiencing?

How could I possibly render judgment without knowing a lot more about all of those involved? Even though I am sorely tempted to be angry with this adoptive mother at a gut level. But, as indicated in the video, this woman has parented her own biological children too. But that can cut two ways. And why aren’t we told anything at all about the adoptive father and his history and attitudes regarding this baby? And what about the claim that the baby is doing “well” with his new family? That cuts both ways too, in my opinion. What’s really going on here? Were there financial issues? Racial issues? Medical issues?

Such a frustrating story to me. What is the take-away message from this story? It makes me feel like a voyeur and it makes me want to accuse MSNBC of irresponsibly packaging this story.

Note: For those who don’t know me, I am an adoptive parent of two girls from China who I very much consider to be my daughter forever, no matter what happens–and that’s how my wife and I looked at adoption from Day One. I wonder how much my personal history colors my views on this abandonment story.

Community • Featured • Friendships/relationships
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Children at Navy Pier
By Erich Vieth on September 11th, 2009

Children at Navy Pier

This is a photo I took a few weeks ago during a trip to Chicago with my daughters. More specifically, this was a trip to Navy Pier’s amusement park. My nine-year-old is one of the kiddos in the image:

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photography
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An alternative to paranoia regarding the safety of your children: Free Range Kids
By Erich Vieth on September 05th, 2009

An alternative to paranoia regarding the safety of your children: Free Range Kids

Remember the woman who was criticized for allowing her highly competent 9-year old boy find his way home on the Manhattan subway? Her name is Lenore Skenazy. She’s a syndicated columnist and she’s not retreating a single inch. She has created a website called Free Range Kids. In April, 2009, she published a book called Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry. Here’s how she sums up the widespread American problem:

Somehow, a whole lot of parents are just convinced that nothing outside the home is safe. At the same time, they’re also convinced that their children are helpless to fend for themselves. While most of these parents walked to school as kids, or hiked the woods — or even took public transportation — they can’t imagine their own offspring doing the same thing. They have lost confidence in everything: Their neighborhood. Their kids. And their own ability to teach their children how to get by in the world.

Lenore reminds us to consider our own “dangerous” childhoods when thinking of extending your own child’s leash–and she has drawn hundreds of lively comments. What is general solution?

We do NOT believe that every time school age children go outside, they need a security detail. Most of us grew up Free Range and lived to tell the tale. Our kids deserve no less. This site dedicated to sane parenting . . .

I started this site for anyone who thinks that kids need a little more freedom and would like to connect to people who feel the same way. We are not daredevils. We believe in life jackets and bike helmets and air bags. But we also believe in independence. Children, like chickens, deserve a life outside the cage. The overprotected life is stunting and stifling, not to mention boring for all concerned. So here’s to Free Range Kids, raised by Free Range Parents willing to take some heat. I hope this web site encourages us all to think outside the house.

This is a well-considered site with lots of ideas for tempering our paranoia about child abductions and sexual predators. Here are a few additional Free Range Children stories that I recommend from Lenore’s site:

The end of the Super-Mom Era.

How cell phones can stunt your children’s emotional growth.

Here’s another article detailing the subway adventure. And here’s Lenore’s three-minute video describing her approach.

American Culture • Community • Featured • Friendships/relationships • Meaning of Life • children • ignorance • law and order
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By Tim Hogan on September 04th, 2009

The Right is wrong

My 10 year old daughter came home from school last week, and while she sat with me eating her after-school snack asked me;

“Is President Obama a racist?” she said.

“No, honey, where’d you hear that?” I said.

“Well, [so and so] said that in class to me today and I just wanted to know,” she said.

“Did the person tell you where they had heard such a thing, honey?” I asked.

“Yeah, [their] grandpa said it,” my daughter replied. “He heard it on TV.”

My daughter and I had a discussion on what is racism, its source in ignorance, and how it’s just plain wrong. We also talked about the TV and radio shows which spread intolerance and bigotry for profit and political gain. My daughter’s eyes glazed over a little, and I said;

“Thanks for letting me know what’s up with you! Go play with your friends!”

Well, I never thought it could happen but, there is obviously no lowest depth of putrid vile chicanery that the far right wing racists will go to block anything that President Obama is up to keep his promise of change in America. Now they’re indoctrinating racism into 10 year old school children.

Bigotry • Politics
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By Erich Vieth on July 03rd, 2009

Woody Allen on raising secular humanists

Woody Allen discusses raising his children as secular humanists:

We’ve raised them, not in any particular religion, but as what we call secular humanists – meaning we’ve taught them to be honest and kind, and to have respect for human dignity and the rights of other people. And, apart from that, we’re trying to keep their minds as open as they can be. We’re trying to educate them by giving them as much information as we can, so that when they grow up, they will be competent to make their own evaluations about what they believe.

Communication • Religion • Sex • children
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By Erich Vieth on May 27th, 2009

The hollow authority of the Catholic Church

Over at Daylight Atheism, Ebonmuse is busy pointing out more hypocrisy of the Catholic Church. While senior clergy continue to rant about the dangers of atheism, the Church can’t even seem to acknowledge recent revelations in Ireland that Church leaders had been quite busy, for decades, raping and beating thousands of children.

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Why did some of the children wait for the second marshmallow? It’s not a matter of sheer willpower.
By Erich Vieth on May 17th, 2009

Why did some of the children wait for the second marshmallow? It’s not a matter of sheer willpower.

The marshmallow study run by psychologist Walter Mischel is a classic. In the late 1960s, the researcher Dave hundreds of four-year-olds, one by one, the chance to either eat one marshmallow right away, or to wait for a while, whereupon they would be allowed to eat two marshmallows when the experimenter returned to the room. Most of the children could not wait for the experimenter to return, even though that happened only 15 minutes later.

Mischel’s study is the focus of an article called “Don’t,” in the May 18, 2009 edition of the New Yorker.

The incredible thing about the children who waited is that they did dramatically better in their lives as adults than the children who couldn’t wait. The children who couldn’t wait:

Got lower SAT scores. They struggled in stressful situations, often had trouble paying attention and found it difficult to maintain friendships. The children who could wait 15 minutes had an SAT score that was, on average, 210 points higher than that of the kids who can wait only 30 seconds.

But there’s more: “Low-delaying adults have a significantly higher body-mass index and are more likely to have had problems with drugs . . .”

I commented more about this fascinating study here.

The obvious question was whether the 30% of the children who had the ability to wait for the second marshmallow were simply exercising willpower or self-control. Mischel’s follow-up work indicates that it’s not a matter of sheer willpower.

The crucial skill was the “strategic allocation of attention.” Instead of getting obsessed with the marshmallow–the “hot stimulus”– the patient children distracted themselves by covering their eyes, pretending to play hide and seek underneath the desk, or singing songs from Sesame Street.” Their desire wasn’t defeated–it was merely forgotten. If you are thinking about the marshmallow and how delicious it is, then you’re going to eat it,”Mischel says. “The key is to avoid thinking about it in the first place.

The reason that the successful children were able to wait reminded me of work by Jonathan Haidt, who suggested (in his book, The Happiness Hypothesis) that human beings consist of two parts. The most powerful part is a huge elephant consisting of appetite cravings and emotions ridden by a “lawyer.” The appetites and emotions are simply too powerful to control by sheer willpower. One of the best tools for the “lawyer” has, then, is to distract the elephant. “Just say no” just doesn’t work very well or very long. What does seem to work, however, is to divert and distract the attention of the elephant. The same technique that was employed by the successful children, many of whom became extremely successful adults.

Featured • Psychology Cognition
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Dale McGowan Came to Town
By Dan Klarmann on January 05th, 2009

Dale McGowan Came to Town

Actually, Dale “Parenting Beyond Belief” McGowan spent his first 10 years here. On his blog, “The Meming of Life” he has a speaking schedule posted. When he posted a solid date in my town, I posted about it and sent emails. So yesterday I drove out to the local Humanist hall. I got there early [...]

American Culture • Education • Meaning of Life • Religion • Web Site • photography
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By Erich Vieth on December 27th, 2008

What’s it like to get a Nintendo Wii for Christmas?

***PLEASE don’t show this video to my children.***
Nick Smith of pwnordie.com had the inspiration to hunt through youtube to visit the living rooms of 50 gleeful/tearful/wild/choked-up children to see each of them ripping open a new Nintendo Wii. “Oh My Gosh!”
Watching this video provoked a host of emotions, but I won’t comment further.  I’ll let [...]

American Culture • Consumerism • Environment • Featured • Meaning of Life
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Create your own yard sign for Obama
By Erich Vieth on October 06th, 2008

Create your own yard sign for Obama

Why use a pre-made Obama sign when you can make your own?  This question became obvious this weekend.  My neighborhood was sponsoring an art fair along a long boulevard, “The Shaw Art Fair.” (here’s some of the art). Almost 150 artists showed up.  One of the neighbors set up a big tarp and provided [...]

American Culture • Art • Communication • Politics
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By Erich Vieth on October 02nd, 2008

The problems with mass marketing aimed at children

Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood recently revamped its website.  One of the new features includes a fact sheet that provides the following information regarding modern marketing aimed at children (with citations to primary sources):

Marketing directly to children is a factor in the childhood obesity epidemic.
Marketing also encourages eating disorders, precocious sexuality, youth violence and [...]

American Culture • Consumerism • Education • Psychology Cognition
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By Erich Vieth on July 24th, 2008

The importance of creative play for children: two perspectives

If you buy your child an expensive and detailed toy based upon the latest new movie, you’ll end up with a toy that can be used in only one way and your child will quickly get bored with that toy. It’s happened over and over. I’ve seen it with my own children and [...]

Education • Psychology Cognition • Science
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By Erich Vieth on June 23rd, 2008

Religious rituals as creative play for adults?

I’m currently reading a new book by Susan Linn, The Case for Make-Believe: Saving Play in a Commercialized World (2008).
The main point of the book is that modern parents tend to over-schedule their children and otherwise deprive them of time for creative play.  For instance, many parents are letting their children get addicted to two-dimensional [...]

American Culture • Art • Meaning of Life • Psychology Cognition • Religion
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