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About excellent and troubled romances and marriages

| October 21, 2014 | Reply

I’ve really enjoyed receiving posts by Eric Barker. Recently, I received this post on How to Have a Great Relationship. He really boils things down, peppering his posts with links to the research and more expansive articles. Here’s an excerpt:

Love isn’t an emotion, really. When you look at fMRI studies of the brain it shows up more as a desire. A craving.
And that explains why it feels so good. As far as the ol’ gray matter’s concerned love’s right up there with cocaine and cash.
All three activate the same area of the brain — the dopamine reward system . . . So, yeah, even neuroscience agrees that love is intense. But can anything that powerful last? Doesn’t it eventually have to fizzle? Not necessarily. Research shows some couples are very much in love 40-50 years later. Want your marriage to last more than 30 years? Just “being married” often isn’t enough: you also need to be good friends.

But this is only the entry point to dozens of clearly written text loaded with links. Really smartly outlined and inviting. I find myself looking through many of the links, including this way to shortcut to romance.

Here are a few more links that spun off the main article:

John Gottman’s four things that kill relationships.

Criticism – Complaints are fine. Criticism is more global — it attacks the person, not their behavior. They didn’t take out the garbage because they forgot, but because they’re a bad person.
Contempt – “…name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor. In whatever form, contempt – the worst of the four horsemen – is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust. It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with him or her.”
Defensiveness – “…defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. You’re saying, in effect, ‘The problem isn’t me, it’s you.’ Defensiveness just escalates the conflict, which is why it’s so deadly.”
Stonewalling – Tuning out. Disengaging. This doesn’t just remove the person from the conflict, it ends up removing them, emotionally, from the relationship.

Here’s a gem from the same article:

69% of a couple’s problems are perpetual. These problems don’t go away yet many couples keep arguing about them year after year:

Most marital arguments cannot be resolved. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind – but it can’t be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage.

What is one of the best predictors of the well being of a relationship? It’s how much you THINK you are similar.

What’s the best time efficient way to enhance your relationship?  Share your favorite part of the day with each other.

I realize that none of this is rocket science in the abstract.  As a man who recently became divorced, however, it’s not easy to put these into play every day.  Keeping these ideas in the forefront would seem to be a good way to making it easier to put these ideas into play.

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Early Racism

Early Racism

| October 21, 2014 | Reply

They were marched into the classroom, single file, and lined up along the blackboard to face the roomful of white faces. It would be sheerest invention to say I remember everything about that day. The only things I recall had to do with questions about how my own situation was about to change.

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Monkey takes selfie. No one owns the copyright

| October 20, 2014 | Reply

I love this story about Indonesian macaques who borrowed a camera and took their own photos. It brings together intellectual property law and animal rights into one conversation.

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Rogue Historians Invent Ancient Greeks

| October 19, 2014 | 1 Reply

The Onion reports:

A group of leading historians held a press conference Monday at the National Geographic Society to announce they had “entirely fabricated” ancient Greece, a culture long thought to be the intellectual basis of Western civilization.

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Progress on the origin of life?

| October 13, 2014 | 1 Reply

From News.Mic:

One of the most challenging questions in basic biology and the history of evolution and life stems from the unknown origin of the first cells billions of years ago. Though many pieces of the puzzle have been put together, this origin story remains somewhat murky. But a team of researchers from the University of Cambridge believe they’ve accidentally stumbled on an answer, and a very compelling one at that.

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“The Grapes of Wrath” (1940): Timely Viewing

| October 13, 2014 | 2 Replies

This afternoon, I just finished watching the 1940 film “The Grapes of Wrath” for the first time. I have never read the book either. What an amazing movie . [no need for a spoiler alert here]. No special effects; merely excellent writing that provokes genuine emotion and urge for social justice. Seems like a good film for right wing Republicans, who will see that, not long ago, it was poor Caucasian people getting shoved around for doing nothing wrong by police officers who reliably did the bidding of people of wealth.

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The misconduct of Columbus is Bible based.

| October 13, 2014 | Reply

From Bible Funmentionables, we learn that Columbus was acting on the authority of the Bible when government officials fail to mention when they are celebrating Columbus Day. Michael G. Morris of Bible Funmentionables explains:

Hate to ruin your Columbus Day festivities, but what better time to explore one of the worst first impressions in human history and how it was all seemingly condoned by the Good Book. Columbus’ own stated purpose for his voyage (to India) was to find people who belonged to

“the sect of Mahoma [Islam] and to all idolatries and heresies, with a view that they might be converted to our holy faith.”

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Tone Poem – “Catharsis

| October 12, 2014 | Reply

Last week, I composed a short tune I call “Catharsis.” It’s based on a sound I’ve always enjoyed–essentially a cycle of major chords, each of which is stacked with a major chord one whole step higher. I played the tune on an amazingly affordable ($600) Yamaha P-105 keyboard with good quality weighted keys–It has become one of my favorite instruments recently. Mixdown of the Fender jazz bass and a bit of percussion was done on Logic Pro X.

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Lee Camp: The corporate media manufactures public consent for war.

| October 12, 2014 | Reply

Lee Camp nails this issue:The corporate media is manufacturing public consent for war.

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