What’s wrong with ME, God??

January 27, 2010 | By | 16 Replies More

Why doesn’t God like me?

I have an acquaintance who has been enlightening me recently about manifestations of the supernatural, both good and bad. He has told me frightening stories of people using occult practices to summon dark spirits and actually touch them.

More often I hear believers talk of their personal experiences with dreams, visions and the clear responses they get from God that cement in their mind His existence. These are not imagination, they assert. These are real events. Palpable things.

So, what’s wrong with me?? I have been alive for almost 50 years and never ever, not even once, had any experience that was so unexplainable that I felt it HAD to come from another realm.

“But you have to seek God out before you will find Him,” the believers will say.

I have been very open to belief at times in my life. I was raised Catholic, left the church in my teens, returned to the church in my 20s, ready, open for and desiring a spiritual journey…and felt nothing. I’ve had hard times, lost loved ones to disease, been divorced and lost all my money, been alone, nearly became addicted to painkillers for a time and contemplated suicide on one occasion.

Nothing. No signs from God.

There were times when I really needed help and would have welcomed a vision or two, but not one experience did I have during all that time that I would consider other-worldly. I just said to myself “enough of this”, and eventually moved on.

My agnosticism comes from my practical experience. I’ve lived this long and been through what I’ve been through and have never experienced a manifestation of any kind. Do you blame me for not believing?? Why should I believe in something that gives me no sign of its existence? If there is a God, why is he holding back?

So, what’s wrong with me, God? Didn’t I deserve a vision or two along the way? Wasn’t I good enough for a manifestation that I could see and touch? They say that faith is knowing in the absence of proof. You gave proof to these other believers. Why not me?

Is there anyone listening?

Seems not.


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Category: Meaning of Life, Religion, Uncategorized

About the Author ()

Mike Pulcinella is a documentary filmmaker.

Comments (16)

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  1. Erich Vieth says:

    I'll be watching the comments closely in case He comments in response to your post, Mike.

    On a more serious note, what is more likely to be true: Not hearing something that many other people claim to hear, or HEARING SOMETHING that many other people claim not to hear? Or is it a stalemate?

    Or maybe it is as Carl Sagan suggested. Extraordinary claims need extraordinary proof.

    And one more thing. I've known more than a few "religious" folks who claim that God does not talk to them using any sort of human language. In fact, some of them scoff at the claims of other "religious" folks who claim that God talks to THEM using human language.

  2. Brynn Jacobs says:


    I am much the same way, I've never had an experience of a supernatural nature. In fact, that's why I first began to question religion. I was raised LDS (Mormon) and they believe strongly that divine inspiration and even conversations with God are to be expected. As the years went by with no sign, first I thought that there was something wrong with me. Then I realized the simpler explanation was there wasn't anything wrong with me at all.

    It was such a relief, and still is. Thanks for this post, well done!

  3. Ben says:

    I suggest you begin drinking heavily.

    Then you can join AA and find God in steps 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 11, and 12 !!!

    "1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

    2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

    3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

    4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

    5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

    6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

    7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

    8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

    9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

    10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

    11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

    12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

    Apparently it works for millions of people. However, my peeve is that AA classes are often required by courts/judges, a glaring violation of the principle of separation of church and state.

    Interesting read here:


  4. Tim Hogan says:

    Pooch, I see God in my children's joy, my wife's smile, friends and all of the beauty in creation.

    As for an alternative to AA see today's Post Dispatch!

  5. Erika Price says:

    When I was a little kid attending Sunday School at a Methodist church, I started to cultivate the strange belief that God wanted me to be an atheist. It seemed that he had made himself unavailable to me, and had placed before me many great reasons to doubt his existence and the integrity of the religion that worshiped him. The people in my life who 'spoke' for him were of shaky authority at best, while the logic arguing against his existence was plentiful and strong. If God was aligning the universe, I reasoned, he must be pointing me towards a role of loyal opposition. Years later, still without any word or sign of affirmation from God, I must continue assuming that is the case.

  6. Niklaus Pfirsig says:


    My father is an alcoholic. one who has fallen of the wagon many times.

    The purpose of the 12 step program is to move from hubris to modesty, and to convert shame into guilt, because guilt can be forgiven.

    Steps 2,3, 5, 6, 7, 11, and 12 are steps to acknowledge that we cannot, nor should we try to manipulate people around us in order to get what we desire. It is a part of becoming more socially aware and less selfish.

    Much of the sense of powerlessness that promotes the abuse of both alcohol and other addictions the failure to control that which they have no control over. The only way to free oneself from this sense of failure is to those things which cannot be controlled.

    The founders of AA were Christians, so they took a Christian approach to freeing ones mind of the shame of failure.

  7. Mary C. says:

    This is a passage from C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity. I hope it helps, and I'll be praying for all of y'all.

    "Some of you may feel that this is very unlike your own experience. You may say, 'I've never had the sense of being helped by an invisible Christ, but I often have been helped by other human beings.' That is rather like the woman in the first war who said that if there were a bread shortage it would not bother her house because they always ate toast. If there is no bread there will be no toast. If there were no help from Christ, there would be no help from other human beings. He works on us in all sorts of ways: not only through what we think our 'religious life'. He works through Nature, through our own bodies, through books, sometimes through experiences which seem (at the time) anti-Christian. When a young man who has been going to church in a routine way realises [sic] that he does no believe in Christianity and stops going-provided that he does it fro honesty's sake and not just to annoy his parents- the spirit of Christ is probably nearer to him then than it ever was before. But above all, He works on us through each other.

    Men are mirrors, or 'carriers' of Christ to other men. Sometimes unconscious carriers. This 'good infection' can be carried by those who have no got it themselves. People who were not Christians themselves helped me to Christianity. But usually if is those who know Him that bring Him to others. That is why the Church, the whole body of Christians showing Him to one another, is so important. You might say that when two Christians are following Christ together there is no twice as much Christianity as when they are apart, but sixteen times as much."

    I know that this is how I experience the Lord. When I'm up at two in the morning and something is weighing heavy on my heart, I can count on that just the friend I need to talk to is still awake and ready to listen. I also have a friend who lives about 200 miles away from me, and because of God, we go through the same problems (whether spiritual or worldly) at the same time.

  8. Larry says:

    IF you have enough faith that you question GOD, whats wrong with me…. then you’re a believer. However, you need to make your faith alive inside of you by stirring it up. Heat it up! Go talk to a stranger about God…. 2, 3…. etc. James says…. faith without works(of faith) is dead. Our faith is dead if it just sits in our hearts. Stir it up.. and tell others you have this faith. And you will see the move of the Holy Spirit, if you are open to it and listen to it. It will come.

  9. chris says:

    Thank you Larry for that answer it helps me in my walk..tho I question..I always asked God why I question. My faith helps me to believe. And my hope is that we can all find the peace that is in Christ. Its a journey that we share but have to go on our own to find the right way. Because just believing is not enough.

    • Larry says:

      No Problem. I did fail to mention, many believe in God, but not all believe that Jesus Christ is our only hope to salvation and redemption. I believe that the Holy Bible is the true word of GOD and its main theme is Jesus Christ. The prophets point to Him, and the apostles do also!

  10. Lauren says:

    I did not grow up a believer, attended church for abit and gave my life to Christ through a prayer then read His word and started asking for help to follow it in prayer. Then I began to practice these good habits for 3 years. Exhausted and overwhelmed with over whelming faith some days and barely any on other days. So confusing to me, the fact that I would get prophecy, tell someone things about their lives, be answers to prayers, get visions and dreams that did line up with the word of God. See prophecy I had seen in visions, come true in my own life and even on the news about the world and yet my faith some days like right now is at an all time low. But I do know one thing the bible says not to forsake meeting with other believers. The only time I have felt ultimately okay or high in faith is when I am with those believers literally daily, and I mean full on supernatural bible practicing faith practicing “I am not perfect, I trust in Christ but try to obey Him” daily believers. I work in the secular world and am only 25. I am deep emotional pain and wonder is this what it means to lose my life? To be kind to everyone no matter how they treat you, to come home feeling absolutely horrible, even with amazing compliments that people give you. I do not know. But I do know I only feel okay now when I have evangelized with other believers. Is this why Christ said to the fisherman to “Follow me and I will make you fishers of men” , and they could only do this if they left everything, because only then would it show they did good works out of pure faith and works for Christ… why the rich young ruler couldn’t follow Him..He loved His riches more. I won’t know until I leave home, leave my mom who I can not get along with who is in deep agonizing pain, leave me clothes, leave my jobs even though I am debt. This looks impossible, this is why I haven’t left yet. Is that what Christ means when He says “With men this is impossible but with God everything is possible.”? I will not know unless I leave everything I have while even being in debt now …. I am in debt to the world.. to the American world and this is true and this is I feel. So you be the judge.. not of the Holy Spirit but to see.. Is God serious in the new testament? It’s looking more and more so, as us christians try to be more and more christian but just become more depressed…maybe we aren’t christians because we aren’t trusting God enough to get us out of debt,to live without materialism, to live in just one pair of shoes, a few pairs of clothes, cleaning items, a backpack, a blanket and rely on Him for food daily(I know that is possible) but can we as rich Americans really do this…Maybe only by really trusting in Him and getting rid of it all, even the house that seems smaller than the regular size, realizing its a sanctuary compared to the trash bin the homeless guy sleeps in.

    • Erich Vieth says:

      It never ceases to amaze me how many people “respond” to the Ehrman article without ever reading it.

    • Ben says:

      “It never ceases to amaze me how many people ‘respond’ to the Ehrman article without ever reading it.”

      The preceding comment would have more impact if it was actually posted in the comments to the Ehrman article ;0

    • Erich Vieth says:

      Ooops. Same thing for many of the flurries of comments on posts regarding religion. Thanks, Sharp-eyed Ben.

  11. Lauren says:

    After all, we could give up our body to be burned, prophecy and heal in Jesus’ name and it could all mean nothing, if we don’t have love 1 Corinthians 13

  12. Mimi says:

    Hi Mike,

    I too was raised Catholic.

    Remember after Jesus was raised from the dead? Mary Magdalene saw him, but the disciples didn’t believe her. Then the disciples saw him, but Thomas didn’t believe. “Unless I see the nails in his hands, touch them and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

    Thomas was devastated after seeing the Messiah rejected, tortured, crucified and buried. All of his hope died that day. Then Jesus appeared to Thomas. “Touch the wounds in my hands, put forth your hand into my side. Don’t be faithless, but believe.” At which Thomas fell to his knees, “My Lord and my God.” He wasn’t cursing. He was acknowledging Jesus was everywhere present. He was all knowing. Jesus was there when Thomas confessed unbelief.
    He was God. “You have seen, now you believe. Blessed are those who have not seen, yet believe.”

    Each member of my family is close to God. Some, it took a day, some a year, some 10 yrs. Some prayed and nothing happened. Some tried to get close to God and nothing seemed to happen. Some had a dramatic conversion, others seemed to slowly move in that direction.

    For myself, I seemed more aware of the spirit world, still am. I often had nightmares, was easily frightened. When I got saved I sensed God’s love, but also a sense of my guilt. When I went up for prayer, to seek a closer walk with Jesus, the guilt was washed away and in its place was peace.

    A few times, I have seen a picture in my mind and knew the meaning. I’m artistic, so I think that’s how God talks to me, in pictures.

    The one time I heard His voice, it was powerful. “Don’t be like the horse or mule.” (I was trying to make things happen and was not seeking Him first.)

    A couple times, I woke up and saw a demon by my bed. I called to Jesus and it left. Another time, my roommate and I prayed regularly and were seeing almost instantaneous answers. One week, we both sensed intense fear and the spirit of death. However, we didn’t know we were both sensing this till the weekend, when we had a chance to talk. We both described the situation in the same way. We prayed together against this in Jesus name and the spiritual harassment ceased.

    None of my family members have ever described similar experiences. (Only one, when he was delving into drugs.) Overall, I’m just more sensitive. I wish I wasn’t. Though, when I begin to reach a state of total focus on the here and now and the tangible, a brush with the under world will remind me that we are in a battle and nothing else can conquer it but Jesus and crying out for His help.

    If anyone lacks faith, ask God for it. “Search me and try me and see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”

    Jesus died to save sinners. If we say we have not sinned, we deceive ourself.

    Get in the Word. Read thru one of the Gospels and the book of Psalms. Get on your knees once a day and ask God to reveal Himself to you.

    Renounce the hidden things of darkness. Have you had any involvement in the occult? Renounce it.

    Ask God to remove whatever is preventing you from puttimg your faith in Him.

    Got idols in the house? Throw them out.

    Porn? Burn it.

    Make your home and heart ready for the King of Kings and ask Him to come in.

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