Who Goes to Heaven?

July 11, 2009 | By | 3 Replies More
Image from Casey K (Creative Commons)

Image from Casey K (Creative Commons)

One obsession among fundamentalists is the question of who, exactly, qualifies for heaven. Basically, the answer comes down to “us”. I.E: Christians. Not all 2Bn of them, but only those who are “true” Christians. If you question an American fundamentalist individually about who gets to go, denomination by denomination, then you learn that a fraction of a percent of those they claim as Christian (when boasting of how many they are) actually qualify. (List of Christian denominations)

Catholics, the vast majority of Christians, are not eligible according to fundamentalist thought. Here’s an excerpt from a recent youth Mexico Mission blog:

“Later we were sitting outside and I asked her how long she had been a Christian. She told us that when she was seven she wanted to be a Christian but her parents wouldn’t let her and made her go to a Catholic church.

I guess when her parents died, she was able to actually actively follow God.”

I’ve been to her church, and this is what they are taught: Most forms of Christianity are heretical cults.

But what of, “All dogs go to heaven”? What is a cat’s incentive for goodness?

How about Bees?

As the video implies, that any human may expect to go to a particular heaven is an artifact of the heaven having been invented by humans. If such a place existed, why would any innocent organism be kept out?


Category: American Culture, Humor, Religion, Videos

About the Author ()

A convoluted mind behind a curly face. A regular traveler, a science buff, and first generation American. Graying of hair, yet still verdant of mind. Lives in South St. Louis City. See his personal website for (too much) more.

Comments (3)

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  1. Erich Vieth says:

    Terrific video by Infinite Deity! Here's their website, where you can read their clever lyrics.

    I forgive you for presenting it, even though I am afraid the song is an earworm.

    I've been to a few fundamentalist churches and I sometimes tune into conservative Christian radio. They hate in this order. They hate atheists the most. Then they hate gays. Then they hate various competitor "Christian" churches, especially the liberal groups such as Unitarians but also, yes, Catholics.

  2. Michael Joel says:

    NO BODY goes to Heaven, G-damn it! That's the scam they use, to keep the STUPID masses in Line. There is no heaven and no hell! They're Figments…. like that little freaking doll at Disney World!

  3. grumpypilgrim says:

    Christianity teaches that its followers, among other things:

    1) will have all their prayers answered;

    2) will live forever in a happy place;

    3) are automatically morally superior to non-Christians, no matter what bigotries they espouse; and

    4) will have returned 100-fold whatever money they donate to their church (because the god-of-the-Bible really didn't mean that bit about giving all you have to the poor).

    Is it any surprise that it's so popular?

    We must remember that Christianity (as Judaism did before it) co-opted into its doctrine scores of earlier traditions that had proven to be successful in attracting and keeping followers. Moreover, Christian apologists have been honing their arguments for nearly two thousand years, so we should not be surprised to find that virtually every obvious question has a conveniently canned, semi-convincing answer.

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