I definitely agree with you. We have the same point of view in regards to nipples.

Women receive beads for showing their nipples. Men receive - wait. Men buy beer, become utterly disoriented in every way EXCEPT that they can orient themselves TOWARD drunk women who will accept beads for in-kind pay. Is Mardi Gras a controlled experiment in legal (ignored illegal) prostitution? Before you throw written sticks and stones, consider this:

Assault, rape, overzealous drinking(for the purpose of innocuating nipple-conflict pain) and all sorts of norm-blasting behavior occur around the Mardi Gras tradition. I’ll assume for now that you’ll agree that assult, rape, and drinking (of the blackout-inducing category) is unhealthy and indicative of maladjustment.

These unhealthy behaviors are correlated with prostitution, but at least when the exchange is honestly consummated, women receive a fungible commodity. What’s required here to adjust our society’s maladjustment? Or am I missing the point? Is the purpose of the Mardi Gras tradition to self-medicate for nipple-conflict? In other words, maybe, deep down (or not so deep down), many Americans are attached to their nipple-conflict disorder.

You’ve hit the nail on the head, Erich! Facebook doesn’t allow women to exhibit breastfeeding, women wear expensive spandex burkas at the beach and we even have to urinate in enclosed stalls because our bodies are shameful and bad.

While babies aren’t normally blindfolded to their mother’s chests, we would send a more consistent message by blindfolding them or, better yet, performing surgery on all women to “white-out” the nipple. By ensuring that the nippled has no distinguishing color or texture, we could disarm it and neutralize the poison that is “the nipple!”

With the right amount of funding, plastic surgeons could develop a way for women to “breastfeed” through an index finger. This way, breastfeeding mothers wouldn’t need to look at the nipple, and neither would their infants.

…and the public wonders why eating disorders are an epidemic. Americans have nipple-conflict fever and the only cure is more (calm consideration of the) nipple!