On light fixtures that look like breasts

August 21, 2007 | By | 11 Replies More

Though this is a “family” website, it is also a subversive family website. In that spirit, I’ll continue. This post was triggered by a family vacation. My family stayed in a cabin at a Missouri state park. We had a great time.  

I know that the word “cabin” conjures up thoughts and images of no electricity, no A/C, no refrigerator, no stove and no living room. Actually, our “cabin” had all of these things, yet the park still considers it to be a “cabin.” Our cabin also had two identical light fixtures on the ceiling of the cabin’s living room. Rather than describe the light fixtures, I’ll just post a photo.

 breast light fixture.jpg

There. Do you see the issue?  These light fixtures (again, there were two identical light fixtures on the living room ceiling) look like human female breasts.  OK, I know some of you are already protesting.  For you prudish people, take a deep breath and go back to ponder the photo a few more seconds.

In my opinion, these fixtures were intentionally designed to look like breasts. I have no doubt. If you have doubts, ask yourself whether there is anything they could have done to make these light fixtures look more like breasts.   Truly, these fixtures have it all.  Supple-yet-pouting contour, symmetrical and distinctive areolas, first-rate nipples. I suspect that these lights were made as a joke by a lighting company.  To the surprise of the company, millions of customers lined up, each of them driven to purchase this fixture by their uncontrollable subconscious impulses.  The customers likely said and thought things like “Oh, look at that elegant fixture, that traditional profile.”

To keep sales jumping, all the manufacturer needed was a vast conspiracy of silence on the part of the few of us who dared to consciously acknowledge what was really going on.  Until today, that conspiracy held. 

My vaction at the “cabin” was not the first time I’d ever seen such a breast-light fixture.  For many years I’ve seen dozens of these light fixtures in very important places, places like conference rooms and several large opulent courtrooms. Now that I’ve brought this issue to the forefront, I challenge you to take notice too.  These breast-fixtures are ubiquitous.

I’ll end with a request.  If anyone really knows anything about this design, please send in your comments.  Until I am instructed otherwise, I hereby deem this design “The Emperor’s New Light Fixture.”

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About the Author ()

Erich Vieth is an attorney focusing on consumer law litigation and appellate practice. He is also a working musician and a writer, having founded Dangerous Intersection in 2006. Erich lives in the Shaw Neighborhood of St. Louis, Missouri, where he lives half-time with his two extraordinary daughters.

Comments (11)

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  1. Dan Klarmann says:

    On a related note: Have you ever seen a traditional Frauenkirche (mother-church cathedral)?

    Near one end is a pair of towers topped with domes.

    The entrance to this edifice is a Gothic doorway surrounded by a larger peaked arch with several ornamental folds.

  2. Erich Vieth says:

    Aw, come on, Dan. This is a family website. No more photos of those sorts of churches, eh?

  3. Tim Hogan says:

    Typical males, fixated on breasts!

  4. Niklaus Pfirsig says:

    It looks to be a modern reproduction of a 1920 light fixture that was inspired by a Victorian Hanging bowl chandelier, which was inspired by the "Female form".

  5. Erin says:

    Hee hee. I am now a believer!

  6. grumpypilgrim says:

    Why stop at designs inspired by the female form — what about designs inspired by the male form? Even most neighborhood churches contain their share of phallic symbols, to say nothing of the many pagan fertility symbols that appear in traditional Christmas decorations (e.g., evergreen trees, mistletoe, pine wreaths, etc.).

  7. bipolar2 says:

    Large breasts, with a wide aureola, and prominent nipples are called 'headlamps.'

    That you should have discovered a pair of buxom transparent light fixtures in a residence from 1910-1915 might bring to mind the generous figure of the Gibson Girl or even one of Beardsley's modern women, circa 1895.

  8. Joy says:

    While on the "tour" of my parents' newly remodeled condo, my husband, an electrician, looked up at the hallway light fixtures and loudly proclaimed it "Boob Hall". My mother was mortified. My father was nearly in tears laughing. The fixtures were changed within a week. The name remains.

  9. CS Weaver says:

    Tweak the "nipple".

  10. It's only fair, though, since with cosmetic "augmentation" many female breasts are coming to look like light fixtures.

  11. Erich Vieth says:

    Fail Blog offers this photo of a phallic light fixture to compliment the breast light fixtures. http://failblog.org/2011/01/12/epic-fail-photos-t

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