OK, now that we’ve had our tussle with a proposed constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, and before the GOP brings up another proposed constitutional ban to flag burning, it’s time to take up the real threat to American values which MUST be stopped and pass a constitutional ban against foreign teams winning baseball’s World Series.
People, we invented the game, it’s ours and we call it “America’s pastime” for good reason. Baseball is an American game and nothing has upset our country’s freedom and system of values more than the allowing of a CANADIAN team to win the World Series. Since the abomination of a foreign team winning the World Series, we have had several major conflicts involving the senseless deaths of US soldiers, a major oil crisis, corporate scandals where investors have lost billions, multiple attacks on US soil by foreign terrorists, massive unemployment, jobs moving overseas (and that’s a “good thing”), domestic terrorism by vigilantes which profess to “protect life and our values” and use dynamite to kill innocents and don’t get the death penalty from a professed law and order conservative administration, citizens are imprisoned for years without charges or seeing an attorney, and we have our phones tapped 24/7.
The assault upon our American system of values MUST be stopped and the only way to do it is to incorporate a ban on foreign teams winning the World Series into the US Constitution. The continued threat of foreign teams winning the World Series cannot be overestimated. CIA sources have indicated that satellite intelligence has uncovered scenes of baseball being played in remote parts of Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea. The threat to us is real, Osama bin Laden, al-Qaeda and the Taliban are training religious extremists to play baseball so as to have an entry into the major leagues and threaten us with the continued tragedy of foreign exploitation of baseball by taking the World Series Championship out of the US, AGAIN.
It is suspected that the entry fees would be paid from drug profits from the $7 billion annual illicit Afghan heroin trade which the US has ignored since it invaded Afghanistan in October of 2001. The North Koreans are suspected of having stolen genetic material from the South for experiments with gene therapies and radiation with the goal of making the perfect baseball player so as to dominate the game and win the World Series. Eerie photographs of glowing North Korean baseball players on unlit fields at night have been leaked to Robert Novak for release when the GOP needs an electoral boost in November. The axis of evil must be stopped and the only way to stop them is an amendment to the US Constitution banning foreign teams from winning the World Series.
The amendment would allow the foreign teams to play in the World Series but, they can’t win. The Commissioner of Baseball, former UN Ambassador John Bolton, would have a ceremony awarding a participant’s trophy to the foreign team and the real trophy would be awarded to the US based team regardless of the results of the still best of seven series. It is only by protecting the firm basis of our core American values by amending the US Constitution to ban foreign teams from winning the World Series that we may hope to remain the “City on the Hill,” shining brightly for all to see. It is only by amending the US Constitution to ban foreign teams from winning the World Series that we can save America from continued assaults by terrorists and their ilk which hate us because we are free. It is only by amending the US Constitution to ban foreign teams from winning the World Series that we can keep America safe and free for ourselves and our posterity. To those which would oppose an amendment to the US Constitution to ban foreign teams from winning the World Series, I say that you give aid and comfort to the enemies of America.
Thank you, and good night.